I’m just going to pre-warn you all that there is probably going to be some MAJOR rambling with this post…. I’m upset, and I’m confused and it’s times like this that I wonder why God entrusted me with children…. what if I make a wrong decision?
Shortly after I posted my {post} on Jayden being an Out of Sync Child and then my {post} on him realizing he’s different, I received a phone call from a friend of mine. Our children go to school together and she had something VERY upsetting to tell me….
Let me first give a little background on her daughter Hailey & Hailey’s friend Riley. These girls have been going to school with Jayden since Kindergarten. They have ALWAYS looked out for Jayden and stuck up for him when they’ve seen a problem with the way other children are treating him.
Hailey came home to tell her mom that there were boys that had Jayden cornered and was holding Jayden around his neck. Hailey, Riley and another girl went over and told the boys to knock it off and basically saved Jayden from these boys.
I am heartbroken.
I am speechless.
I am utterly at a loss for what I’m supposed to do here.
My first instinct is I would like to pull Jayden out of school and protect him from the evil kids that are hurting him. But I don’t have the confidence in me that I can do as good of a job as his teacher does. He has so much help to help him succeed in academics, and I feel like I’d be at a total loss. But I don’t want ANYBODY hurting my child.
There’s been a lot of talk about bullying lately. I just read a fantastic {post} by Single Dad Laughing regarding bullying, and if you have read it I HIGHLY suggest that you do. It’s long, but heart felt and something EVERY parent & teacher needs to read.
2 days after writing the above:
Jayden finds everything to be a game. He doesn’t quite understand what a bully is. To Jayden, it’s a game and he doesn’t see the severity of it. To Jayden he’s actually getting some kind of attention from one of his peers. He’s been more effected by kids who call him weird than kids you have threaten or done physical harm. But how many times of some kid telling him he’s weird or gay or sucks balls {yes, that’s one of the newest ones} can I allow to happen? Eventually with so many times of being told you’re something you eventually begin to believe it right?
My friend’s husband is a special education teacher and recently had taken my kids along with his daughter to Jayden’s school one evening to let them play while I got some homework done. Jayden was telling him that he always plays by himself at recess, and Jeremy asked him why he would play with himself when there’s so many kids to play with. Jayden said that because the other kids think he’s weird. This does things to my heart that I can’t even begin to describe.
I do not want my son to have his “social” time that is so important for children to be negative like that. I feel like I can create a positive social atmosphere for him. Why should I have him somewhere where people are continually putting him down?
I’m not going to lie, making a decision of taking your child out of school is a VERY hard decision to make. I don’t want to completely shelter my child from society, but at the same time I do. I don’t want him to graduate, go off to college and be completely clueless to the world. I don’t want him to miss out out on playing sports in school if that’s what he wants to do, or going to prom, or the thrill of having a crush on a girl at school.
BUT I don’t want him to learn ways from other children whose parents don’t care about them and treat them horribly. I don’t want my son to have to deal with people putting his self esteem down because he’s “different”. Then comes the academics side of it all. Budget cuts keep happening, programs I find beneficial for children are being taken away…. example: MUSIC!
I am really starting to think that trying to do homeschool with Jayden might be the way to go. There’s an amazing FREE program available in our state called {Connections Academy} and it just seems like the perfect thing. I can create a positive social atmosphere for Jayden, which I just really feel like he needs.
I really would love any and all advice from anybody out there will to give it to me. Please share with me why you are homeschooling, your successes with it, if you’ve done Connections Academy your thoughts on it….
This is such a scary decision for me.
Oh sweet friend. My heart is hurting along with you. I’m not a violent person…but when I see someone mistreating my sons my inner momma bear comes out and I could rip someone’s head off.
There are a lot of reasons to homeschool. I’m certainly no expert…we’ve only been doing it for 6 weeks! But the one piece of advice that I have for you is to do what’s right for your individual child. You may not be a special ed teacher, but you are probably the most important person in his life and you can certainly rely on those who have blazed the homeschooling train in front of you. I really believe in the power of homeschooling to produce a positive environment for any child. And by the way, I don’t feel any more equipped than you for this task. But I believe in the One Who has called me to it and I know He will equip us as He calls us.
We chose to homeschool because we want to be the main influencers and trainers of our children. Not to totally keep them from the world, but to equip them to deal with the world when they’re ready…when they can understand. We don’t want the world shoved down their throats by people who don’t love them. We want to spoon feed them with truth and love and acceptance and along the way expose them to what the world is really like from people who genuinely love them and have their best interests at heart.
For us…it has been a wonderful decision. Scary, yes. But still wonderful. Take advantage of the resources out there. Connect with other special needs homeschooling families. Search out the right curriculum for him and then be confident that you’re doing the best thing for YOUR child.
Much love sweet sister. I’m praying for sweet Jayden’s protection and for your heart along the way.
I have always struggled with the idea of society shaping my children. I hate the idea of my children learning from the ways of other children. Children who come from homes that teach them it’s okay to put other people down. I DEFINITELY want to be the one to shape him!
I loved reading your comment, Brooke, and I appreciate all of the advice that you’re giving me. And you’re so right when you say that it’s scary, but wonderful ~ that’s what parenting is all about right?
We know in our hearts what we need to do. I think this decision would be so much harder if my husband and I weren’t on the same page, but we are. His decision was pretty much set the moment that Jayden started to view himself as weird.
Thank you so much for your support, advice and getting this post out there. It feels so amazing to know I’m not alone.
Dear Amanda,
I do not know you and today is my very first visit to your blog. But the wonderful woman who posted the comment above asked her homeschooling friends to come here and offer any advice or wisdom.
Unfortunately, I’m short on wisdom. But thankfully, God provides me with what I need. And the first thing was the desire to homeschool. He then took away all the LIES that the enemy and others told me. That my children would miss out on so much. That my daughter would never get to the prom. That my children wouldn’t have friends. Lie after lie.
This is only our second year of homeschooling. Is it challenging…YES! But it is also the only option for us. We choose to homeschool for many reasons. But the main reason is God put it on our hearts and we choose to be obedient.
Let me tell you this. YOU are your child’s best teacher. I know this because I was a classroom teacher for 11 years. I loved it. I support teachers whole heartedly. But I also have seen what your child has experienced. And I have countless other stories.
My degree is in elementary education with a concentration in reading. And it made me a good(I hope) classroom teacher. But it did NOT prepare me for homeschooling. You don’t need to be a trained teacher. You don’t need to have all the answers. You don’t need to make the perfect choices concerning curriculum every single time. It’s a learning experience for you and your child. And if you let go of all the expectations that society and schools burden you with, I am sure you will find great delight in teaching Jayden.
We used one curriculum for kindergarten. Then this year, came up with a whole new plan using bits and pieces from different publishers. So many options. And you can always change your mind, switch your material, and take off in a new diraction as you need
I want to teach my children and be their main influence. I don’t want society and a government school making decisions about what my child will be exposed to.
Find a support group or a homeschooling friend. KNOW and BELIEVE that YOU are the perfect teacher for you child because no one knows him better. And let go of all the expectations that society has thrust upon us.
YOU CAN DO THIS. Of that, I have no doubt.
Jamie Soranno recently posted..A Bug And The Blessing Of Friends
Jamie, thank you SO much for coming over here and sharing all of this with me. I absolutely want to be my children’s main influence as well!!
At the end of the day being able to see my son’s confidence in himself thrive will make it all worth it for me. I don’t want him to live his school life questioning how he compares to everybody else…I want him to love himself for who he is.
Thank you so much again for coming over and sharing your words with me!!
Please e-mail me. I would love to talk with you on the phone. E-mail me and I will send you my phone number back. I have so much I would like to say that it would really be too long to wrote on here! LOL You can homeschool and your son can live a normal life through homeschooling.
Joy recently posted..Family Recipes – Moist Pound Cake
I so know what you are going through, I’ve gone through the exact things!
I have 3 boys on the autism spectrum. They are high functioning and likely have a lot in common with your son in the sensory and social areas. Last year we homeschooled (our first year), and they did great, but I wondered if they needed more. You are right to take all these things in consideration, because special needs kids are a whole other ballgame and sometimes require so much more. It’s good to stop and just make sure we understand all that is entailed.
This year, we decided to try the Charter Montessori school here, because it was free and because we thought they’d do well in montessori style teaching, all while getting the structure they really need (the structure that is near impossible for me to create at home). Little did I know that because it was a charter school, it was not really montessori at all except that there were no desks. The classroom was set up like a montessori classroom, but the tone and energy of the place was very very public school.
After less than two months in the school, this last Thursday we pulled the kids out and tomorrow will begin homeschooling again. They experienced not necessarily bullying like you describe, but the “weird” and other names, the ridiculing as my one son struggles academically, and more. We also had teacher issues and other stuff I won’t bore you with, but here’s what I wanted to tell you: you know what to do! You already know.
Listen to your heart gut, listen to what God is telling you. Whatever that choice is, it will be the right one and WILL work out. Yes I feel totally ill equipped to be their teacher, but God made it abundantly clear that they will be so much happier and grow more exponentially (and learn!) at home. I’m not worried at all about the socialization or sports, because there are oodles of homeschooling groups that have activities and get-togethers and the local rec centers always have sports to participate in year round. I’m sure you’ll find these in your area too.
We make each decision really prayerfully, and we know God allowed us to do public school for a couple months so our hearts could really be on board 100% with homeschooling, and not always wonder if the charter montessori would be better. Praying through this will give you answers, real answers. And God will give you everything you need to teach your son if that’s where He leads, I promise!
One thing we’ve already noticed is that there seems to be a huge weight off the boys’ shoulders. They aren’t aware of being made fun of so much (like you described with your son) so this was surprising to me – I thought nothing was bothering them about school. I knew it was happening when I’d hear them tell me what kids said, but THEY didn’t know. Now? It’s a total spirit of relief in the house. I think they often just can’t express how they feel, and it makes me SO HAPPY to see them so light and carefree now.
Hope this helps. <3
Arianne
To Think Is To Create recently posted..You Need To Know
Arianne,
You have no idea how much your post actually did help me. I don’t feel like many people truly understand what I’m talking about when I say “Jayden doesn’t get that these kids are actually being mean to him.” Just because he doesn’t fully grasp that what’s going on is wrong doesn’t mean I should keep him there enduring through it.
I know that this road that I have and you have ahead us is not going to be an easy, but I feel this overwhelming sense of peace flowing all over me knowing that it’s the right road. I don’t know how I’d be able to sleep at night knowing that I continue to send my child somewhere that he isn’t treated right.
We have a lot in commmon, Arianne, with our boys and our little girls Mabel & Mya. This is why the blog world just gives me all sorts of warm fuzzies. If you’re going through something there’s bound to be another person going through it right there with you, and the support you can receive is astounding.
Thank you so much for coming here and sharing your story with me.
My friend this post makes me so sad. You know in your heart what the right thing to do for him is. Just believe in yourself enough to go through with it. You are amazing don’t limit yourself because of your fears. You know where to find me when and if you need to talk.
Austin is in private school. It’s a local church and they charge me $285 a month. It’s not expensive at all. Any chance you could do something like that? There are only 7 kids in Austins class and they all get along so great.
I LOVE YOU LOTS!
I am the Mom of two grown children and 2 little ones. My eldest son has his youngest (age 7)son using connections academy and is very happy with it. His little girl goes to K-5 for now. His two older ones are 18. One has made him a grandfather, got his GED and is now on his own and going on to school so that he can support his family. His twin took online high school clasees and is now in a school to become a mechanic and thriving. My eldest daughter has 5 children who are unschooled for the most part. They range in age from 8 to 4 mos. They are also thriving. I homeschooled each of them in the “dark ages” before anyone knew what it was and have never regretted it. My two youngest ages 7 and 5 will never darken a schools doorstep. They use a mix of curriculum and are doing great.
That was to give you my “credentials” now,
1) Socialization in schools is cruel unless you are athletic, or gorgeous or both.
2) You’ve now heard about socialization at your son’s school and don’t like it. What if someone isn’t there next time?
3) Making a decision to homeschool is not irrevocable. I know lots of people who homeschool for years and then put their kids back later when they feel it is safe.
4) Socialization (the real thing) is available thru church programs, scouts, etc. You can stick around and observe what goes on to see if you feel comfortable with how he is being treated.
5) You are his Mom, you’ve taught him lots of stuff already – after all, he walks, talks, eats with a spoon etc right?
6) You have resources, I am willing to email back and forth if you want and you have a friend who’s husband is a special ed teacher, sounds like a resource to me!
Hope this helps/
Every person I have talked with that has done the Connections Academy seems to be very pleased! I love all of the points that you pointed out for me. I am just overwhelmed with how throughout even just today I’ve just completely felt in my heart that this is what’s to be.
Hey, what’s wrong with getting a crush on the little girl in the home school co-op? Or at church? Or the grocery store where he just got a job as a stocker? There are girls and friends in other places!
You’d be a great teacher for him. I think he’d be better off with a few social opportunities of your choosing than growing up thinking it’s his natural place in life to be picked on and left behind. Besides, “sucks balls”? That kind of bullying isn’t something a kid *needs* to learn how to deal with. I don’t know of any adults who have to put up with that, do you?
Homeschool isn’t a magic bullet, of course. I think he might get laughed at in other places, too, since kids are like that. It won’t happen in the same violent way, though. School are more like prisons than they are like the adult world we’re supposedly preparing them for. At least with homeschooled kids, you know their parents are involved and easy to find so they can make things right!
So there’s my 2 cents or so. 🙂
Cindy, you’ve got a point!! I’m feeling more and more at peace with my decision as even just this day goes on.
This is so heartbreaking. I do believe though, if you are going to do homeschooling, an online school with a set curriculum like that is the way to go. Even though I’m a former teacher, I worry about whether I could fit everything in that I’m supposed to and would want to follow a guideline like that.
Shell recently posted..Gevalia Prize Pack Giveaway and Royal Vinter Review
I couldn’t do this if I didn’t have the Connections Academy. Well, I shouldn’t say couldn’t, because I’m sure there’s a way I could… but knowing that Jayden has a set curriculum and a teacher that can help via the phone, email, webcam gives me a sense of confidence that we CAN do this.
This whole roller coaster has been heartbreaking and we just have to go with our gut on this one and know that we’re trying everything we can.
Amanda,
I also do not know you and am visiting your page for the first time today but was brought her by the post made by Brooke. I too am considering the homeschooling option…currently, I am a 3rd grade public school teacher. My considerations of this are not due to my dislike of the public schools system. There are so many of us who care dearly for the precious hearts that walk into our classrooms each day but the reality is that the job I do as a teacher will never compare to that that I will do as a mom AND a teacher. My heart broke when I read what happened to Jayden. Unfortunately, it happens way too often. Recently, I read a book titled “So You’re Thinking About Homeschooling” by Lisa Whelchel. It’s a quick read and gives several different examples/scenarios of homeschooling. If you love and care for your child and have a heart to teach him the love of God then you are more than qualified to teach him at home. Good luck with your decision and I will be praying for you!
My best advice is to find a local group. My HS group is filled with amazing women.
I just stopped by and do not know you at all but I think you would rock at homeschooling. It requires a Mother and/or Father who loves their child and wants the best for them. I know that is you. As another said, it doesn’t have to be forever. You can always just try it. You are in my prayers and heart. As for us, Homeschooling is the best decision I have ever made. Hands down. Blessings.
Karen recently posted..Public School- Home School and Blessings…
I clicked on your site because your blog is listed on the Hip Homeschool Hop, and feel compelled to encourage you. I have 9 children and we have always homeschooled, so I don’t have any experience with making the huge decision to pull a child out of school. But what I do have experience with is homeschooling (my oldest is a senior in high school — at home.) You CAN do this! You know your son better than anyone else. You know his strengths and weaknesses. And you love him better than any other teacher could. All these things together mean that you are going to do what is best for him. Academics is such a small part of life. And really it is the easiest part. What is so much more important is who a child becomes. Are they kind, compassionate, faithful? Homeschooling allows parents to focus on character.
Homeschooling also allows us to protect our children from influences they are not yet ready to face and also (unfortunately) from actual harm. My heart breaks for you and your son and that you are having to face bullying. Please don’t let your fear stop you from protecting your son. Society has made school the be-all-and-end-all of life… and it’s not. From conversations I’ve had with other parents who have made the choice to remove a child from school, it is the decision process which is scary. Once one has actually dived off and are in the pool, one finds that those fears tend to evaporate.
I hope you hear that I’m trying to be encouraging. You can do this and will end up wondering why you didn’t do it sooner!
Elizabeth,
Thank you so much for your encouragement. I haven’t finished my post with our decision, but it will be up hopefully at some point today.
We’re doing it! We feel too strongly in hearts that this is the right thing to do with our son and we can’t ignore that.
Jayden has even been telling people at school ~ his teacher included that he’s going to be homeschooled. We have chosen to go with Connections Academy, and are toying with the idea of doing our own curriculum until he is completely enrolled. From my understanding it could take a few weeks before he’s set and ready to go with it.
Thank you so much for coming and encouraging me. The support I’ve been receiving has been amazing and I’m excited to jump in the homeschool community and learn from all you experienced mamas 🙂
It is a very scary decision. I’ve been there, and I’ve made that decision. It has taken sending Riley to school and my husband seeing what it does to her for him to see that being home is what she needs. Out of that chaos and pain, the fear of the noises, the kids, every day life. I can’t shelter her forever, and I don’t want to huddle her in the hosue and never leave…but I do want her safe. I want her able to learn in an environment that is suited to HER needs…not one that has to be adjusted via great difficulty and paperwork that she wouldn’t need here.
Hopefully by 2011 we’ll be there. In just a few weeks time we’ll have her IEP meeting and figure out where to go from there. Until then I bite my nails and soothe my headaches and pray that she won’t be damaged further by every day she remains in that place.
Sarah recently posted..Reflections Flip Side W4
Listen to your heart. God will not steer you in the wrong direction. I withdrew my second grade daughter last year when she was making herself sick over going to school. Coming home not only helped her health both physically and emotionally but she is a happy child again. My other daughter came home this year for 5th grade and while she is adjusting and some days are better than others, we are glad to have this opportunity for as long as it lasts. Someone once told me they will homeschool for as long as it works. This is my motto. As long as it works for my girls and my family, we will continue on. If they choose to go back to school, we will address that. If they choose to stay on into middle school and high school, then we will address that too. But for right now I am enjoying them. Having this time together is a gift. My oldest has mild SPD and being home gives us a chance to work on things that we just did not have time to do before. You are in my thoughts as you begin this journey and hope it changes your life in many beautiful ways.
Oh Amanda, my heart goes out to you and Jayden. This really makes me so upset that there are young kids out there treating other kids like this, and SAYING those awful things!!! REally just makes me mad at their parents, they should be taught whats right and wrong. I really enjoyed reading all these comments on homeschool as I too have been contemplating weather or not to homeschool my kids. My daughter is still in preschool this year, but next year is kindergarten. I keep going back and forth with the idea, still not sure what I’m going to do, but if something like this happened to my daughter I think that would definitely be the deciding factor. I’ve heard so many good things about homeschool. Good luck with your decision.
Crystal recently posted..52 Weeks of Balance
Crystal, I have to do it. I have to take him out of that place and do what we truly feel in our hearts is right for him. Throughout this process the one thing I’ve learned from others is that our children are basically learning the ways of life from people we don’t even know.
I don’t like that.
Jayden is 9, but he’s still SO SO SO innocent and it’s only a matter of time before these children start to break through that, and I don’t think my heart could take it.
Jayden doesn’t hate school, the weird thing is he actually loves it. That alone just shows how sweet and innocent he really is. He isn’t letting it affect him the way it would another child. But it’s my job to make sure that never happens. I think once he sees how exciting and fun that homeschool can be he’s going to love it even more. Especially since he’ll actually have friends! I found a group of homeschooling moms that I’m joining up with and they do all sorts of activities together and I’m just excited. PLUS we have a few awesome moms in our ward with kids Jayden’s age that are homeschooling also.
I’ve spent a lot of time praying over this decision, and I can’t ignore the peaceful feeling it gives me. I wish you luck as well, Crystal, in your decision. 🙂