I think it’s time for me to soften my heart a little and reach out to one of my sisters from my father. Yesterday my cousin who I’m very close to showed up with her baby and had my sister Alyssa (15) with her. I wasn’t sure how I felt about it. I’d made a decision that I really didn’t want to get involved with my dad, and she’s a part of him.

She sat in my living room and talked of how she’s going through some things in her life and I felt bad. Here I have a girl that wants a part of my life, of my kids life and I’m backing away into a dark and lonely corner. She’s never done anything to me. If anything, she kindof (KINDOF) had it like me. She didn’t have the luxury of having my father in her life all the time. However, she did have him. Her mom made sure of it. She has a relationship with him where she actually feels love for him in her heart. I wonder how that feels. I wonder how it feels to have a dad to rely on.

I think I should take baby steps with this and start out by taking her to get our toes done together. It’s not her fault. She’s actually a really enjoyable girl, and I need to do this. I need to stop alienating myself from them all. Baby steps. My goal of the week is to call her and plan a time for us to do something together.