Hello stalkers welcome to the stalker club, because sadly I have many. And yes, I did know that you people were coming to my blog ~ just like I know that Alana’s brother’s mom is STILL coming here and reading about my life, which is a little creepy. BUT I really hope you share with Carina all of the things I have written, because THEY ARE THE TRUTH. Carina knows I love her and would do anything for her and Alana, but I SPEAK THE TRUTH IT’S WHAT I DO ~ AND SOMETIMES THE TRUTH HURTS LIKE HELL.
Since that has been addressed…..
There are many things in life that unfortunately we can’t control. I know this, and in my family I’m known among them all as the one who likes to always have things in control and I take situations and make them mine. I don’t know why I do this, maybe it’s the mother hen {thank you, Kandi, for this word.. I use it often lol} in me, but I feel like everybody’s problems are my problems ~ therefore I attempt to solve them.
Since that has been addressed…..
There are many things in life that unfortunately we can’t control. I know this, and in my family I’m known among them all as the one who likes to always have things in control and I take situations and make them mine. I don’t know why I do this, maybe it’s the mother hen {thank you, Kandi, for this word.. I use it often lol} in me, but I feel like everybody’s problems are my problems ~ therefore I attempt to solve them.
I don’t care who’s reading this blog. I don’t care if my niece Alana’s “other” family reads it {since creepily they do}, because I never lie on here, I only tell life how it is. Sorry that it’s not a pleasant thing. I’m sorry that my niece has had to live a life of being tossed here tossed there. I’m sorry I was giving her a very good life.
She woke up everyday happy, and layed in bed next to her cousin as they read books. They’d eat their breakfast, and play and go next door to their BFF’s house. If we didn’t play at home we played at other places, fun kid places. She lived a life of laughter, smiles & happiness. She took a nap at the same time every day. She ate her vegetables, but knew that she had to say her prayers before eating those vegetables. She had fun bath time with her cousin and sometimes with her BFF too. They were 3 peas in a pod those girls. Nighttime she loved to get in HER princess toddler bed. She loved it.
I know that her mom was not happy about what she had to do. I know deep down that her mom knows she’s better off here than anywhere else…. FOR NOW. I say for now, because every child needs their mama, but every child needs their mama when they’re on the right track…. putting what’s important first. I know her mom was tricked into even coming up here, and I wish she had a spine to tell them all what she thinks, and how she knew {because she’s told me over and over} that that Alana is safe and happy HERE.
Do I think Alana’s going to be safe? Not too sure on that. If her mom is taking her to her “grandma’s” house then kindof. I know that her mom leaves her during the day w/one of the drug addict psycho men that were creeping around my house last week. I don’t think that’s very safe. If she stays with her mom, then we have her with her mom who is struggling really bad right now. I wish she’d get help so she can be a mom to Alana. Alana needs structure, Alana needs to know that she isn’t going to be ripped from here, tossed to there, and that the bed she lays in at night will be the same bed she wakes up to in the morning. She needs what we gave her. I wish more than anything it was something that her mom could give her, but right now ~ she can’t.
I’m extremely grateful tonight that my children have structure, stability, and security. I’m extremely grateful that even though I’m far from perfect, that they have a good mom. It’s funny that at times I really do stop and question if I’m that good of a mom. Then I think about all of the things I’ve given my children. Structure, stability, security, the gospel, God, love, 2 parents, and lots and lots of laughter. I’m a good mom. I need to remember that when I’m thinking otherwise.
I could go on and on, but I won’t. My heart is sad, my home definitely feels like something is missing, and believe it or not ~ I feel SO bad for Carina, Alana’s mom. I couldn’t imagine being in a situation where first off I go almost 2 months without seeing my daughter, and then I have people pulling the strings in my own life. One thing about me is I do what I know is right and good for my kids, my family and myself. She’s not in a place in her life that she can do this, and that makes me so sad. Alana had a picture that she carried with her and even slept with of her mom and dad when her mom was pregnant with her. It broke my heart, because she looked so happy, so healthy. I wish she could find her way back there for Alana’s sake. Alana needs her mom to be happy & healthy, so that in turn Alana can be happy & healthy. I’ve known Carina for a long time, and she’s like a little sister to me. I’ve always been here for her, and wish I could make all of her problems disappear ~ but I can’t.
So, tonight, it’s all in God’s hands. Not only does Alana need your prayers, but it wouldn’t hurt to give Carina your prayers as well. And my Ella needs prayers. She’s sad. She lost her best friend, her cousin. Tomorrow will be a hard day for her, but mommy will make sure that she has a good one. Because I’m THAT kind of mom.
