Oh she rocks my world!

Posted on June 23, 2011 by Amanda

We’ve definitely been soaking up the summer days lately. Water parks, swimming almost every day, and lots of trips to California. But it’s the little moments that have really made their impressions on me. You can’t beat little chunky babies picking weed daisies in the park. Have I ever mentioned that daisies are my favorite flower? I probably could have saved a heck of a lot of money at my wedding had I just gone out and got some daisies for my bouquet.

Ella joined dance class. She’s gone twice now, and as I watch her I’m absolutely floored at the talent this girl holds within her. She picks up on the moves so easily – she feels the rhythm in ways I haven’t seen many 4 year old girls feel, at least not within their first class. I have to tell you that this absolutely excites me to no end, because she’s just so beautiful and I’ve always had these major dreams of her being a dancer…. at this point it’s looking up. Now I just have to pray that it’s something she always wants for herself as well.

And can you say admirer? Aliyah definitely loves and looks up to her big sissy! These kids never have a dull, lonely moment…. because they have each other.

She’s doing this new thing lately – where she does this tone in her voice that I wish I could pin point with words and explain. In a small little sea shell – it’s her KNOWING what she’s talking about, but having an unsure tone – almost ending her statement in a question. It just screams GROWING UP! Oh my gosh but I can’t tell you all enough how much I adore, love, cherish, and treasure the little girl that she’s turning into. She’s strong. She’s independent. She’s everything I ever imagined my daughter being…. and I am blessed to be able to be a part of her world. I don’t think God could have given me a more challenging and rewarding soul.

Ella, you rock my world, girl – this picture above is you agreeing to wear the princess dress to the princess tea party for your dear friend Chloe, but demanding the skinny jeans also. You are definitely your mother’s daughter…. and thank goodness you have my personality since your looks scream “clone of your father.” I love you, little diva.

Life is busy–but I am lovin it!

Posted on June 19, 2011 by Amanda

I’m finally on a break from school and have been even busier than ever! We had my brother & sister in law come up to stay with us for a few days – best decision I’ve ever made. I think we both got to know each other in ways we didn’t really know before. I’d say our relationship prior to this may have been a little generic – we didn’t really KNOW each other…… and now we do.

I did a photoshoot of them for my father in law for father’s day. Can’t wait to see the look on his face when he sees the pictures.

Speaking of photoshoots, I have been BUSY with them lately!!! Definitely a great and exciting thing, and every time I do one I realize that this is definitely what I want for my life. I may be getting that degree in accounting right now, but photography is what makes me happy – photography is what I can see myself doing forever.

Aliyah’s 6 months now – actually 6 1/2 – she says “Hi” and a couple of times we’ve heard her try to say “Mama.” I think our entire family is head over heels for her. Actually I think even my camera is head over heels for her, because THIS is what it gets to capture. Pretty much no words needed….

Nothing but everything to say

Posted on May 6, 2011 by Amanda

She’s not growing up as quickly as the other two did. I feel as if she’s soaking up her babiness – and I love it.

She’s 5 months already. She started sitting up a few days ago, and eating foods through her meshed little holder {coolest thing I’ve ever seen!} She’s teething, but I’ve noticed a HUGE difference ever since she started wearing her new amber necklace.

She’s such an amazing little soul that I just can’t get enough of. Ella and Jayden adore her and have been nothing short of an amazing help with their new little sister. I feel like I’m discovering more about myself as a mother this time around. I’m realizing things that are important, things that aren’t. I’m remembering that the days are long, but the years are short – so I try to treasure every moment with Aliyah being so small, cuddly, loving, BABY. The idea that she’s approaching her half year mark makes me cringe a little inside. I’m not rushing the milestones. I’m just enjoying the small things.

I probably have around 7 unpublished blog posts. Posts I’ve started and not finished, posts I chose not to share – I feel like lately I have so much to say yet nothing to say, if that makes any sense to you. I might release those blog posts soon – I don’t know.

I feel unorganized a bit in my life. I don’t feel like reading blogs and writing on my blog is going to help me in that department, so I’ve sortof strayed a little to get myself and my home life a little more organized – and I’m so not even close! There’s so much CRAP that I just need to get rid of. I’m trying to simplify things in my home, with my friends {I’ve had to dejunk a few of those as well} and really try to reach within ME to figure out things that I need in my life.

While I feel a tad unorganized lately, one thing still remains a constant, and that’s this beautiful family of mine. I was sitting here tonight thinking about how lucky I am to be in love with my best friend, to have these amazing kids who drive me CRAZY during the day, but hold all this love for me and I for them. We’re not a perfect family, but we are a family – and a family who has fought hard to be where we are today. A girl I know – her family is falling apart right before her eyes. Her husband decided he was done. I can’t be more thankful than I am at this moment to have a husband that is in it for the long haul – that isn’t willing to throw the towel in when perfection doesn’t exist. This man right here…. he’s my happily ever after. Thank God for him.

Simple days with my babes

Posted on March 22, 2011 by Amanda

Spring break…..

Heaven.

I was spending a majority of today cleaning, doing laundry and having a much needed tea party with my girls, when a beautiful feeling of peace entered my soul. Not having the pressure of something hanging over your head is something quite wonderful. The past couple of weeks have been extremely stressful and having these quiet moments to soak in my children are WONDERFUL.

I’ve been working on something big for my love of photography. I can’t wait to reveal it ~ no big date set yet.

In 1 week my little baby girl will be 4 months old. She is amazing. There really are no words that I can muster up right now to tell you how much my heart literally skips a beat when I see her smile at me. It’s funny how you never realize something is missing in your life until it is there.

Right now I feel extremely complete.

Have I talked about how Jayden is in tap? Well, he is…. and I LOVE it and he loves it even more. Friday he had his first tap recital…. talk about CUTENESS! Here – see for yourself!

A Nice Dose of Beautiful

Posted on March 11, 2011 by Amanda

I pulled one of those unannounced nice long vacations from my little world here online. I haven’t been by any of my favorite blogs – feel really out of the loop there – and have been knee deep in homeschooling, photography and soaking in the little moments with my children.

Not to mention, school…. oh my word school. This taking a full load at the college is somewhat exhausting this term. It’s almost over though… I’m about to have a breather which is much needed.

I got a new lens.

It’s the best thing ever.

50mm 1.4 – pure beauty I tell you.

It’s helping me produce images like this:

and like this….

and how can you not love this….

It’s taken my love for photography to a whole new level.

Couple of weeks late on this, but a little cute butt girl is 3 months…. she’s actually almost 3 1/2 months, but I have pictures for you to oooo and ahhhh over. This little girl’s beauty is so breathtaking to me I just at times don’t know how to contain myself from kissing her face all day everyday!

And if that all wasn’t enough in the beauty department – look at this!

And that little ball of beauty is a whopping 9lbs 14oz. at 3 months!

The Footprints on My Heart

Posted on February 12, 2011 by Amanda

I took these beautiful feet print of my absolutely precious, beautiful, sweet blessing of a baby girl Aliyah for my Valentine’s cards. I couldn’t stop staring at them and thinking……

I started thinking about when I lost Mya and how all I wanted was her feet print. I remember the doctor coming into the recovery room after the operation and telling me, “I’m sorry we just couldn’t get her feet print.” I felt at that moment that I had lost her all over again. I still yearn for her precious little feet print. I want to be able to look at them and see that she did exist. I want to see the little prints that walked along my heart and forever changed who I am inside.

I walked into my closet yesterday and stared at the velvet bag that contains a box which contains an envelope with the remainder of her ashes that didn’t get flushed down the toilet. I felt like I was struggling to breathe inside thinking about how my daughter is in a box. A box that sits next to my clothes. A box that I try to pretend isn’t there. A box I’m scared to death to even open.

The thing that brings some sort of peace to my soul though is that she’s not in that box. I know with every ounce of my soul that she is a part of our family and that one day I will be able to hug her and tell her the things that I want to say. I’ll be able to touch her face, run my fingers through her hair and tell her that she is just as much my daughter as Ella & Aliyah are. That while my life has continued on without her, I have never gone a day without thinking about her.

A few weeks ago Ella asked who Mya is. We just told her that she is her sister that’s in heaven, but I want her to know one day that Mya is her big sister who left this world so Ella could have a life in it, a life with us. I want Ella to love her.

I like to think and say that it gets easier with time. I don’t know, maybe it does. I am definitely a pro at hiding the feelings that are within my heart…. even from myself. On days that I allow the sting to sting I feel it, and it’s a wound that hurts just as much as the day I was told ~ her heart stopped beating.

……..I am so blessed for the two baby girls that I have been blessed with since the death of Mya along with their big brother. I am so blessed that I have these beautiful feet print to look at along with the feet they belong to, so that I can kiss them and kiss them some more.

I don’t think I can get enough of her…

Posted on February 9, 2011 by Amanda

She’s just one little ball of perfectness and has captured my heart.

Simple, Refreshing Beauty

Posted on February 3, 2011 by Amanda

My days have been blending together and I wake up and accomplish not even a portion of my to do list and then it’s time. Time that I should be turning into bed and getting the recommended amount of sleep I need in order to wake up and do it all again.

I’ve been finding myself staying up later and later though. The quietness at night while everybody is asleep has become intoxicating. It’s during these late night hours that I find myself drawing out my dreams and goals. It’s when I organize my family’s memories.

It’s when I work on editing beautiful pictures like this ~

Such simple, refreshing beauty this little baby girl has.

2 Months

Posted on January 29, 2011 by Amanda

Today my precious grouchy pants is 2 months old.

It’s so amazing to see differences in your children’s personalities even at a VERY early age.

Aliyah is definitely my grouchiest baby yet.

Don’t get me wrong, she’s an absolute joy to be around…. but she’s grouchy! She’d rather put on her angry face than smile.

We even call her Rumple Grumpy Pants at times…….

OH but let me tell you…. her smile will warm you to the very core!

6 Weeks of Bliss

Posted on January 10, 2011 by Amanda

Dear Aliyah,

You’re 6 weeks today. It’s happening, you know… when I blink and you start growing. You’re not even looking “new born” in your face anymore. Your little body says something differently though. Your little body is the one thing I still can say is like a newborn.

3 days ago you were weighed and you were only 8.1lbs. That’s itty bitty still!

You’re spoiled…. already. You know when you’re not being held and how to spit your pacifier out and make yourself cry in ways I didn’t know a little 8lber knew how. The SECOND that you are picked up, you compose yourself and are completely fine. Oh, and did I mention that we fall for it EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

You have a love for your dad already that is mind blowing. You actually coo at him and give him more smiles than me. Speaking of first smiles, yours was on January 2nd. For some reason you’re my little scowler though; you’d rather scowl at us then smile. You actually rarely smile. BUT your face makes us all smile!

I realized it was your 6 week birthday and grabbed the camera to snap a couple pictures

Have I mentioned that this little face has a way of melting me to the very core?

And in this picture I can actually see a resemblance to my family ~ can you believe it?!

I still don’t even mind when you wake me up in the middle of the night

BUT when trying to take pictures of a little baby girl, you can be sure that the older sister is going to have to get in on this action!

The two of you together = PURE, RAW, AMAZING BEAUTY!

She has to hold you literally ALL THE TIME. I’m happy you’re not so floppy and fragile {well, you still are just not as much as in the beginning} because I feel a bit better about putting you into her oh so loving hands.