Category Archives: ella

My Birthday Princess ~ She’s 3!

Posted on by
Reply
There’s something I love about this little girl that I can’t even begin to put into words. These past 3 years have been overwhelmingly perfect. The moment that I looked into her eyes I knew that I would love her and she would always be my little friend. I knew that she would fit perfect in our crazy, dysfunctional family….

and she does. She fit right in like a little puzzle piece. Watching her grow into the little girl that she’s growing into has been pure delight. She’s all girl, but can definitely take her brother down to the ground. She loves to do her makeup, paint her nails, and play with her best friend, Ruthie. She’d rather dig in the dirt than play with her toys, and I still can get her to snuggle with her mama.

She’s everything I’ve dreamed of and more.

She’s my princess, and she’s made these past 3 years of my life amazing.

Dear Ella,
As I watch you grow into a little girl from a baby I find myself wanting to be even closer to you. I soak up every second and love to breathe you in as we snuggle. I know that these days where you’re my little girl won’t be here for long. Soon I’ll no longer be the best part of your day, but just your mom. I want to treasure these moments that I have with you forever, because you’ll never know how much they mean to me.
I love your personality. I love how your eyes literally light up when you are excited. I love how much you love your family, how much you look up to your brother, and your love for church. You are my little best friend, Ella, and I as you grow and get older I want to make sure that you always know that I’ll always be your Mama and you will always be my baby girl.
Love, Mama.

Photobucket

30 Days of Truth ~ Day 3

Posted on by
Reply
Something you have to forgive YOURSELF for

I left the medicine without a childproof cap on the counter. 

I left the medicine on the counter that almost took my daughter’s life a little over a year ago on the flipping counter.

Why didn’t I put it up high where she had no access to it? 

I still have days where I look at her and just have to grab her and hug her and thank God for not taking her from me.  I still have days where I think about the look that was on her face when I thought she was dead and I can’t help but cry. 

I almost killed my daughter by a very scary mistake.  And I hold this horrible pain and guilt inside of me because of it.  I try to look at the beautiful blessing that she’s here with us, she’s beautiful, she’s thriving, she’s growing, and she’s not effected by this mistake in any way…. but there was a good 5 minutes of my life that I thought my daughter was dead.  There was a moment in my life where I heard codes being called on her in the hospital and doctors and nurses rushing in ~ and all I could do was drop my head and pray like I have NEVER prayed in my entire life.  In my head she was gone… and I truly didn’t know how I was going to go on.  I didn’t know how I was going to get out of bed every day.  I didn’t know how I was going to go on without seeing her beautiful smile that literally melts every ounce of my soul.

How could I survive without this face

Photobucket

I have to forgive myself for this. I have to take it as a lesson learned that they do climb, and all it takes is literally 2 seconds of your back being turned for a life altering disaster to happen.
TO READ THE POST I WROTE WHEN THIS HAPPENED{CLICK HERE}
Photobucket

and days like this too shall pass

Posted on by
1
Today I sat in my car and wanted to cry.

I had to take a deep breath and tell myself that they’re just kids and unfortunately sometimes this is what kids do.

Parenting is the hardest thing besides a marriage. I’m not sure which one is harder, but they’re both pretty dang hard. Parenting and marriage become not hard when you choose to give up. That is something I will never do with either.

My son is probably one of the best, well behaved little boys out there. Yet today, he was completely defiant to me. Anything I told him to do he wouldn’t do…. anything I told him not to do he’d do.

I am sitting here…. literally done. My brain hurts, I’m exhausted, and I want nothing more than my children to just go to bed. And my house to be magically put back together.

But the reality is they’re not going to go to bed right now, I actually will have to put this house back together manually {myself}, and this is the life of a stay at home mom.  It’s exhausting yet so rewarding at the same time.  Not every day is bad, and not every day is good…. but every day I am here with them and I need to remember that they need their mother to be patient with them, and I need to remember that this will pass.  The days where my biggest concern is my son pushing my daughter on the merry go round when I asked him not to will be a day I really wish I could go back to.

These days that end with me literally drained from brain to the tips of my toes are days like this…..
and the day these little beauties of mine are all grown up and moments like these have passed I will definitely wish I could go back and soak it back in.
Photobucket

My Little Stutterer

Posted on by
4
I love Shell’s Pour Your Heart Out Wednesdays, because I am one that REALLY loves to pour her heart out on her blog.  This week I’m dealing with something new and heartbreaking so here I go ~ 

A little over a week ago my little girl started to stutter. At first it would just be her repeating the first sound of the sentence over and over for a few times before she finally spit it out, but now it’s worse. She actually will open her mouth and have such difficulty getting the word out that she just attempts trying.


This mama is HEARTBROKEN! I pray HARD that this is just some phase she’s going through and she will outgrow it, and she won’t stutter for the rest of her life…. because my heart can’t handle her feelings getting hurt from the mean kids she’ll encounter.

I made her a doctor’s appointment, against everybody’s advice. Even my son’s speech therapist’s advice. Luckily I saw him at the park and snagged him for a little insight into his brain on what we’re going through.  His main advice was patience, don’t put words in her mouth, basically just let her work on it on her own.  But she struggles and all I want to do is help her slow it down and give her the word she’s trying to say.  

Now here’s the downfall of parenting.  You hurt when they hurt and the more kids you have I think the more hurt you’re going to have to feel!  With having an SPD child I’ve hurt a lot.  My heart has felt like it was literally stabbed when he comes home to tell me that some evil child has told him how weird he is.  My heart has been stabbed as I’ve watched him with his beautiful manner at the age of 5 walk up to a kid to play with him and introducing himself as Jayden, while putting his hand out to shake it ~ only for that evil child to turn around and walk away from him.

I don’t want my kids to hurt more than general life already will make them hurt.  I don’t want my daughter to come home crying because somebody made fun of her because no matter how hard she tried, she just couldn’t get that word out.

I’m taking Ella to the doctors even if it’s a waste of time and he tells me the exact same thing as the speech therapist told me, because I want to do everything I possibly can as early as I possibly can if this does indeed turn out to be a problem and not a phase.
Photobucket

Ella Got Pretties!

Posted on by
2

I didn’t get Ella’s ears pierced when she was a baby. I think it’s good to wait until they are old enough to want it themselves, but my husband disagreed with me. He wanted his baby girl to have pretties in her ear. Well, thanks to Ella’s heart condition I got my way…. he was too scared it would put her in SVT.


Well, the time has come where Ella has decided she wants pretties in her ears. So, we went to the mall and had my sister (she works at an ear piercing place) pierce her ears. She did great! She only cried for a moment and then tried to get herself to stop so she could smile at herself in the mirror.

She completely looks like a little girl now.

Here’s Ella with my sister right after getting her ears pierced
Ella’s pretty little butterflies

Photobucket

Dear Ella

Posted on by
3

Please, please, please slow the heck down on the growing up! I can’t believe that if I call you baby you correct me with “I’m not a baby, I’m a girl.” Well, since you replace a majority of letters w/n’s it sounded more like “Girln”


You’ve been obsessing lately over your birthday party. It’s seriously the cutest thing ever! You can’t wait to have your party hats and your friends over and cake. Last year we really didn’t do a birthday party for you {which is totally a parent fail} but this year I can promise you you’ll get your party that you’re looking so forward to.


The other night you came into my room looking for your ladybug dress. You needed it because you were going to wear it to the movies and you needed me to call all of your friends so they could go with you. Ella, you aren’t even officially 3 yet! You still have 2 months! I can’t believe you’re already such a social little butterfly that you’re thinking about getting friends together and going to the movies. I just want the clock to slow down for a second, because this going way too fast.


I worry about how you’ll take this new baby coming into your world. I think you’ll do great and I think you’ll love your baby sister or brother so much, but I still worry. I hope you always know how extremely special you are to my heart. I can’t even explain or put into words how much I love your sweet, independent, loving self. I love the little girl you are growing into, and while I really wish I could pause time I can’t wait to watch you grow into the beautiful young woman I know you will be.


I love you, Ella.


Love, Mama

Photobucket

You are so beautiful, Sweet Girl

Posted on by
3

Photobucket

Oh sweet girl you have no clue how much this little face right here kills me.  This little face makes me smile when I am mad, and probably gets you out of a lot of trouble that you should be in. But how could anyone not smile and kiss the heck out of this cute little face?


You are so beautiful, Sweet Girl.  

There are more pictures to be seen over on my {photo blog}

Photobucket

The 3 Princesses

Posted on by
1
When you add 1 more toddler to the mix things get a bit busy. So busy that I can’t believe that it’s not only been 1 week since I’ve come on my sanctuary, but I also completely forgot about this week’s Just a Motivating Monday.

My sweet little Alana is really fitting in here. A year ago we had her for a while under the same circumstances that we have her now. My heart completely breaks for her, but all we can do is surround her with love and provide her with stability, a schedule and lots of laughter and fun.

Photobucket
Photobucket

With Alana living with us once again I have been keeping the girls extremely busy, which is important for them. We’ve been spending a lot of time with our BFF’s that live next door ~ Miss Celeste & Ruthie. Watching the three girls play together is probably the cutest thing in the entire world.

Photobucket

So, we’re all doing well, just SO BUSY!  

Photobucket