Category Archives: Family

Update on my brother

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My brother got his job and this is his first week working. He hasn’t been so bad to have around, but I still am ready for him to go. He’s totally taken over Jayden’s room, and that’s by far the most irritating part. He doesn’t do much around the house to help.

I feel really bad for his baby. My niece, Alana, is such a cute baby girl, and she’s in the saddest situation. Her dad isn’t around, and her mom parties, gets drunk and breastfeeds her. That alone KILLS me.

I wasn’t the most perfect mom in the world with Jayden. Well, I was pretty darn close to it, but there was a year where I didn’t make the best decisions. However, partying around your children is not okay. Breastfeeding while drinking is not okay. My heart is breaking for this little girl, and I’m helpless. There’s nothing that I can do. She was supposed to bring Alana up here this month and now she’s not. It’s sad that I’ll never know my niece. My kids will never know their cousin.

I’m not judging her, I’m just sad that I expected so much more out of her. I go on her myspace and cringe. All I can do is keep that baby in my prayers.

2 Years Ago Today – It’s our Mya Day

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2 years ago today I walked into my house and smelt so good. My husband was making me tacos, because that’s what my baby girl loved. I was wearing this cute green maternity tank top, and I had just driven in traffic with blurry eyes. Blurry from crying them out.

It’s amazing how you remember such little things. I remember the nurse handing me a Kleenex box to take home and let me sit in the room until the waiting room had cleared out. My appointment was at 4:30pm, which was at the end of the day.

I had such high hopes for this precious soul inside of me. She was a blessing and I was so excited to have her join my family. That day, 2 years ago, my heart was crushed with the worst, devastating news I could have ever imagined. Mya was dead.

Tonight I’m sad. I’m sad that I didn’t get her balloons, because I feel like Gino needs to be a part of it, and he works. He works all weekend long. I still should have done something with the kids to remember their sister.

This is a day I dread every year, and I probably will dread it all the years to come. I just wish that I could have both Mya & Ella, and I know that’s not possible, but I still wish. I have come to terms with Mya’s death, and I have begun to understand that without her leaving me, I’d never get to see one of the most beautiful smiles I’ve ever seen. I’d never get kisses from the most beautiful girl I’d ever layed eyes on. I’d never know or love Ella. I couldn’t imagine my life without her.

Today, Mya, I want you to know that I love you with all of my heart soul. I will always love you and I hope that in heaven they have angel days, because you deserve it. Okay, now I’m so sad that I’m going to the store and buying you balloons. I’ll have them just in time to send them off when your daddy gets home. If they do have angel days you have to have something from your family, that loves you and thinks of you all the time.

Happy Angel Day, my angel.

Love, Mama

Blah!

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I’m a little less irritated today, but still pretty pissed. I didn’t go to church this morning, and not because of all this drama going on, but because it’s just too hard without Gino. He has to work today. I’m supposed to go on a picnic with some friends from church, so I’ll probably still do that…… just to get out of this house and get all of this crap off my mind.

It’s hurtful that I would be accused of something so shallow when I love Norm and have ALWAYS looked for his best interest. I’m the one that’s told him I don’t want a penny from his will. The only thing I’ve ever wanted is for an education, which has been promised to me since I was a little girl. I don’t want anything other than that…. and I’ve made sure that he and everyone else knows that. I don’t care about his money. I have him here so that he can be around the wonderful medical that Medford has to offer, and a beautiful place with low elevation so he can breathe. The funny thing is he’s not captured here, he’s only waiting for a major surgery, then he’s going home. Home to a place where not one soul will take care of him. He’ll end up in a care center and it will be a sad, sad thing. Here at least he’s in a beautiful retirement community, I take him out to eat, my Grandma takes him to her home to watch movies. There’s so much we do with and for him. Yet, we’re accused of wrong doing from people who don’t even care about him?!?!!? Money does disgusting things to people. Beyond my comprehension.

A Rant…. expect many, many more

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God blessed me with 2 beautiful children 6 years apart. Luckily for me I haven’t had to deal with the fighting and bickering between 2 children.

And then God blessed me with the beautiful presence of my brother. I swear I feel like I have 2 sons right now. Here’s my deal. If Jayden wants to play video games and I already told Jayden that he could then Mitch better not argue with it. I feel like Mitch is getting too comfortable here and I don’t like that. I don’t want him on pins and needles, but he needs to appreciate what he’s got and realize that HE came into OUR home. He doesn’t get a choice of what show to watch, or if the TV can even be on. I know, I’m a wretched bitch, but damn it, it’s my house! It’s Jayden’s house! It’s Ella’s house! Oh yeah, it’s Gino’s house too. It’s not Mitch’s.

We’re Back

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We’re back. We’ve been back since Sunday. It’s already Wednesday and I’ve been so exhausted from my trip I haven’t even updated my blog. I haven’t posted pictures of our trip, and I haven’t even done my laundry yet. Sometimes we really do need a vacation from our vacations.

So, my brother is not going to be working with my dad. In so many words my dad is probably biggest loser in the world and his actions on Sunday night proved that to me. I’m glad that he screwed my brother over, because if he hadn’t I’d still be stringing along with him with some hope that he would some day actually be a dad. So I’m happy to say that I no longer am holding on to that hope. I’m moving on with my life and smiling at the fact that my kids will not have to have a loser in lives.

I used to talk about Brittney. She was my biological sister who I was really trying to get to know. She turned out to be one basket case. I tried, and I’m happy with that. The fact that it didn’t work out between us isn’t making me lose any sleep. Like I’ve always said, I have 1 sister and I will always only have 1 sister.

Pictures of our trip should be up some time today.

Happy Wednesday 🙂

Goin back to Cali!

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In about 2 hours we will be in our car on our way to Cali!!!! I can’t wait to see everyone and for everyone to see the kids!

First stop is San Ramon to visit our friends Jen & David. Then Thursday (Ella’s first birthday) we’re going to San Francisco and eating great food and seeing some sites.

Haven’t decided yet if we’re staying in Frisco Thursday night or not. We might drive back that night to Sacramento, but that’s not set in stone. I think Gino’s BFF Dave wants us to stay with him.

Then Friday I think we’re going to Stockton to see Gino’s mom. Friday night is BBQ at my cousin Jenna’s house!!

Saturday is Ella’s birthday party.

Sunday we come home!

Boy that’s a lot of visiting!!

Pray we have a safe, happy and joyous trip.

24 Hour Vacation

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That was one exhausting weekend! I made a decision out of the middle of nowhere that we were going to the coast. So we packed up and had everything ready to take off as soon as Gino got home from work.

We were at the ocean at 6:00pm and it was beautiful. We brought along Mitch and Ryli so we took 2 cars. The boys were in 1 and the girls were in the other. It was probably one of the most beautiful drives I’ve ever driven.

The redwoods are breathtaking and I got MANY pictures!!! We went to Ocean World, the beach twice and to the Trees of Mystery. Ella really enjoyed Ocean World ~ especially the Sea Lion. We did it all in 24 hours! I have to go through all of my pictures and resize them all and then I’ll post a couple up. It’s going to be so hard to choose from them all!

We get home and I was EXHAUSTED! To the point of almost being emotional ~ well, Ella had no diapers, so I had to leave and drive to the store to buy the diapers. I get home and finally am in bed when Jayden wakes up crying and crying and telling me that his ear is broken. Poor guy has swimmer’s ear. So this morning we went to the doctors and got him some medication.

My visit with my little cousin Ryli was wonderful. She is such a sweet girl and I was happy she was able to have such a fun time. Sometimes it can be hard when you’re the oldest of 4, and I’m happy that she got some one on one time w/my Grandma and me! She’s flying out today and I’m going to miss her so much! I need make sure that I get together with her at least once a year. She has always held a special place in my heart since she was a baby…. I lived with her when she was a baby, and helped my aunt out during a very difficult time in her life.

Stay tuned for pictures!!

Our First Discussion

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Last night we had the missionaries and some friends over from church to start Gino with discussions. The initial plan was they were going to do a mini lesson (cut it in half) so that Gino wasn’t overwhelmed. The night didn’t start out too great ~ right when they got here our toilet overflowed upstairs and Jayden slipped in the thick water on the floor ~ luckily 10 minutes later Gino had it all taken care of. 1 hour and 45 minutes later they left. We had the whole discussion and then some. I was amazed at involved Gino was with it all. He asked the questions that he had and told them that there’s no doubt in his mind that it’s all true.

They of course asked if he would give them a baptism date and we told them let’s just get through the lessons. I know it’s a scary thing to take such a huge step and just getting the discussions alone were huge.

I know this might sound strange, but every time Gino is faced with someone who thinks that the Mormon religion is a joke he gets defensive. Yes, Mr. Garibay who used to talk smack about Mormons defends them now. Before my brother got here he was a little like, Ugh I’m not in the mood for this… isn’t going to church enough…. blah blah blah ~ well, when my brother says a couple things about how he heard from someone that it’s not true and it’s all crap Gino defended the church and was REALLY involved in the lesson.

I’m so satisfied!! So, next week there will be no lesson, but every Thursday after that we will be having lessons. I really enjoyed it ~ I don’t even remember the lessons…. in fact, I don’t remember a lot so I’m learning right along with him.

One thing that was pretty amazing was the missionaries asked Gino if he has any goals and Gino said, “My goal is to go to the temple.”

An Addition to our Family

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What do you do when the one person who has continually done you wrong over and over again is in a desperate need for help. For love. For someone to just take him in and love him and help him feel secure? My first thoughts were definitely to turn my back and continue living the life I’ve been living. This is my happy land.

But at the end of the day, when I lay up in my bed at night, I still see that sweet little boy’s face. The one who tried to runaway on his dirt bike when he was only 4. The one who used to twirl with us girls, wearing one of my sister’s dresses. At the end of the day he’s still just my baby brother. I can’t have my baby brother helpless with no one or no where to go.

It’s going to cause problems, and that makes me sad, but it’s something I have to do. I have to do what’s right and turning my head to him isn’t. I couldn’t imagine being in the situation that he’s in right now. Helpless. Not knowing what to do. Not having a soul in the world that’s willing to let you in. I will be that soul that will open up my door, and this HAS to be the last time. He HAS to get his life on track.

My brother will be arriving here tomorrow. My life as I know it will change, but I’m going to stay positive. The positive outlooks on this will help me get through this. He needs his big sister. I love this boy so much, and he needs me ~ so I will be there for him. He has a job with my father waiting for him and this just could be the one thing that makes Mitch grow up. Become responsible. Learn to live an honest, faithful, true life.

Sadly, my niece will not be coming with him. Right now, it’s Mitch time. It time for Mitch to get it together, then hopefully he can have his family back together if that’s what Corina and Him want. For the sake of Alana, I really wish they would try. I would LOVE to get Corina up here going to church with me. Shockingly, Mitch is going to be going to church. I’m proud of him for that. If he doesn’t like it we won’t force him, but he has to at least give it a chance.

With many deep breaths, Xanax & blog entries, we will survive.