Category Archives: Me

So Needed!

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Every other Saturday I wake up, get in the shower and anxiously await what is ahead of me. I go and get a massage from my cousin. It’s a time that’s for me. No kids, no husband, no work, no phone, all there is is me. I love this time. I look forward to it and actually have considered doing it every Saturday. Honestly, I’d probably be happy even with no massage just sitting in this relaxing room catching up with my cousin. We book it for 2 hours so we have an hour of talking and then an hour of massage…. with talking.

Personal time is so important for a mom. Even if it’s getting out of the house and going to a coffee shop to sit by yourself drinking coffee while reading. I think for any mom to truly be happy she NEEDS to get away. She needs time away from kids and husbands. I know there’s a ton of moms out there that beg to differ with me, but if they’d give in and give it a chance they’d be amazed at how wonderful it is. Of course we’re moms, wifes, … whatever! We’re still an individual and we all need time to ourselves. So if you’re a mom, tell your husband “It’s your turn!” Walk out the door and go somewhere for at least 2 hours! Get away and enjoy.

Signed,
A Very Happy Mom Who Just Got a Massage!

ETA: My mom called to inform me that I’m a Mormon advising others to go out and drink coffee and that’s not very Mormon like of me…. you know, I honestly didn’t even think about this. I drink coffee and eventually will at one point in my life not drink coffee. I’m not perfect and am taking things one step at a time. Cut me some slack here :0) – I was inactive for 13 years! I just started going back to church in December and have come a long way in only 4 months ~ coffee will be tackled next.

Our Trip/Easter in Pictures

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We drove into Sacramento at around 6:30pm. My mom, Sean, Jenna, My sister Jess, Gio & My nephew Vani came to visit us. It was the first time that my sister got to meet Ella. Of course, she loved her! And it was my first time meeting Jenna! It also was the first time that Jenna met my mom, which would be her biological aunt. It was a great time visiting with everyone.

Saturday morning we woke up and drove to Stockton so that Gino’s mom and brother, Gabriel, could meet Ella. Gino’s mom, Alice, was excited to finally meet her first girl. She has 3 sons and 1 grandson, Jayden.


Saturday night we went out to dinner with Gino’s friends Dave, Justin & Rob. We haven’t seen them since we moved in 2007.


Sunday after church we went on a picnic by the river and ate some delicious food! The above are pictures from the day. Ella LOVED being outside. Vani (my nephew) followed Jayden everywhere he went. It was really cute. Seeing everyone was so nice. But I was happy to come home. I realize that when we’re in the city our days fly by us. When we’re home it seems like they last forever. Maybe that’s because we don’t spend half of our lives in the car. I love my family, but I really love living in such a slow paced life. I hope that everyone had as happy of an Easter as we did. This is the first year in a long time that we actually celebrated Easter for what it really is. It felt wonderful to go to church, especially with Jenna and her beautiful family.

And if you want to see the pictures I’ve posted bigger just click on them ;0)

We’re Doing Things Here

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I couldn’t pass up the promotion going on at Curves, which ends today. Donate a bag of groceries and pay $30.00 for the startup fee. I woke up this morning in a perfectly clean bedroom (I ACTUALLY CLEANED IT LAST NIGHT!!!) and set out to start a new thing in my life that will bring me great health. I was excited and I actually really enjoyed it. New plan now is M-W-F will be my Curves days. T&Th will be my walking with Emily day. That’s 5 days a week of doing some sort of exercise. I’m quite proud of myself.

Monday, Jayden starts piano lessons. He’s always shown an interest, and I kick myself in the butt for not getting him in sooner. Now is better than never, right?

Jayden is starting Tball tomorrow. I’m utterly excited for him. I hear that watching their games is hilarious. I can’t wait to finally be the mom on bleachers cheering loud for my son. I can’t believe that Jayden is joining his first sport. While it’s a happy occasion it also is a sad one. With every new thing that he does in life it just rubs in my face that he’s not my baby anymore. He’s almost 7 and knows the Pledge of Allegiance by heart. I’m getting old. I’m really getting old. Why is that I feel like I’m still 18? Why is that I don’t feel like I’m getting old? I remember when my mom was still in her 20’s. I used to brag about that. I remember her 30th birthday and how I was kinda sad that I could no longer say my mom’s in her 20’s. I’m almost not in my 20’s. In 4 years I will be celebrating my 30th birthday and this is a MAJOR eye opener and just makes me more happy about my recent changes in life to be more healthy, happy & to strive to make my life as well as my families memorable.

Results are in………….

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And I do not have a thyroid problem. Next step is they’re going to do an echo on my heart. I don’t find this step necessary, but I also know that it’s not going to hurt anything so I’ve agreed to it. Today I’ve been having extreme difficulty in breathing. Tonight it’s a little better than it’s been all day, but I actually have to struggle to take a deep breath. If I feel this way in the morning I’ll call my doctor up and ask to come in and have my oxygen level checked. I starting wondering today if this has to do w/the cold I had – maybe there’s stuff in my chest that I don’t realize and that’s causing this. Or maybe I have asthma. You know, there has been so many random ideas going through my head on what in the world is going on. I don’t have anxiety today. In fact I’m pretty relaxed. So why am I having a hard time breathing? I guess I’ll have an answer eventually. Here’s to hoping I feel normal tomorrow!

I went to the doctors

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I decided shortly after posting my last post about my anxiety that I needed to call my doctor’s office. So I called, made an appointment and they had me in at 1pm today. The did an EKG and I got to see that I do not have a delta wave, therefore I do not have what Ella has…. RELIEF! However, they did labs on me today to see if I might possibly have a thyroid problem. In the meantime, while I await the results of the blood tests, I was prescribed Xanax. I took one probably around 3pm and w/in 20 minutes I was feeling 100% better. It’s now 11:22pm and I’m starting to feel the heaviness around my heart. This is so frustrating! I think the only solution is me going to Mexico for a week – maybe 2 weeks. I’m really anxious (surprise surprise LOL) to find out what my blood are results are going to be tomorrow.

A New Car! With some anxiety

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It’s almost been a week since my last entry here. We’ve had a busy past few days and I actually have put the computer away for a while and only came on to quickly check my email. I must say… it felt good! Thursday we bought a second car. FINALLY! We actually have been getting by with one car for a long time now, and it’s nice to finally have 2. Neither of us will feel stuck if the other is gone. This decision of course had to be made since Gino is going to have to now be to work @ 4am and Jayden has to be to school by 7:50am. So, we got a 2004 Jetta w/only 26k miles on it. It’s a stick and I’m in love with it. It is, however, Gino’s car. That thing isn’t big enough for both of the kids…. but when I’m going somewhere by myself you bet your butt I drive that thing. I LOVE STICK SHIFT CARS!

I’ve developed a horrible case of anxiety these past few days. Almost to the point that it’s scary. I get shortness in breath to where I can’t take a deep breath. My heart feels like it’s pounding and I just downright feel helpless. There have been many times in my life where I’d say “I have horrible anxiety.” What was I thinking?? What I used to *think* was anxiety is nothing compared to what this feels like. The first thing that ran through my mind when I first felt this was ‘OMG, I have what Ella has‘ I seriously thought I was about to have a heart attack. We were at Target, so we went over by the pharmacy where the blood pressure checker thing is and it said that my pulse was @ 103. Not terribly high, but it is high. I don’t know what my deal is, but I don’t like it. I might make an appointment to see a doctor, but from my understanding there really isn’t much a doctor can do for you beside prescribe medication that I in turn might become dependent on. So, today I’m thinking about maybe finding a yoga class to join and see how that works for me. I just know that I do not like feeling like this.

A Quirk About Family

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I have a weird quirk about me with calling someone your sister, cousin, dad, brother…whatever, basically, relative if they’re really not one. For instance. My friends are never “Aunt whoever” They are simply known to my children (well my son since Ella is still very young) as whatever their name is. I cringe inside when I hear somebody refer to someone as their “cousin” if they’re really not cousins. My husband has done this and no longer does, because I cannot stand it. I can’t even call my in-laws mom and dad, because they are not my mom and dad. This is one of my biggest pet peeves. I think even my husband is catching on to this, because the other day he was telling me how irritating it is to go to his cousin’s myspace and see her label some of her “friends” as cousins. FINALLY! He understands where my crazy brain is coming from in some way.

Are you ready for my quirk to get even weirder? I have 4 sisters and 1 brother. Jessica is my sister through my mom. She is my best friend, the one I fight with, the one I call and cry to, the one I have a million inside jokes with, the one who knows every little secret of mine LITERALLY, she’s my sister. Mitch is my brother through my mom. He’s the one that even after screwing me over time and time again, flaking on me, doing the worst things possible like every little brother does, I still love him. He’s still my baby brother. Even though they are my half, they feel like they are full siblings to me. Brittany, Alyssa & Tiona are through my dad. I didn’t grow up with them. I am just now starting to be in their lives. They ARE my sisters, yet I feel odd calling them my sisters. I get that feeling that I was explaining above. Maybe it will just take time to get used to the fact that I actually do have other sisters than Jessica. At first I kinda freaked out a little bit, because none of them are Jessica and I didn’t like the fact that they looked up to me as a “big sister” when in fact I didn’t feel like I was their big sister at all. I am now faced with living away from the only brother and sister I ever knew and living by 2 of my dad’s girls. I hope that in time I can become close to them. I have a more of a chance of having a good relationship with Alyssa, since she is 15. Tiona, however, is only 9. She’s 2 1/2 years older than my son. He’ll probably know her a lot better than I ever will. Brittany lives far away. I talk to her occasionally through text or myspace, and sadly, we’ll probably never have a close relationship. I have such a twisted family, and I’m working on appreciating everybody in it. Close or not, I should work on having a relationship with everybody in it…. in some way or another. Right?

Searching for my "Me Time"

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I used to have a lot of this. I had 1 child for 6 years. I had a job that I went to and sat in an office basically by myself and between you and I spent the majority of my time online…. (If you are from any of my old jobs I wasn’t talking about that job – I was talking about the other job) I felt that I was getting plenty of me time. Then I chose to change my life up a little bit. I moved, started to work at home and the topper on the cake…. I HAD ANOTHER BABY. I decided that I needed to scout out my “Me Time” and find out exactly what it is that I need to involve myself in to keep my sanity. I started out with the whole Mommy Forum thing…. catty, drama and so not enjoyable me time. I’d rather not watch girls attack each other on their parenting skills – to each their own right? Why judge? Then I decided that church would be the perfect me time. Yeah, I love church and am beyond happy that I made the decision to go to church, but let’s face it…. it’s a family thing. I have yet to see the “Me Time” in it. In fact, almost every Sunday I find myself hanging out in the mother’s room. So, that has basically turned into Ella & Me time. I finally figured out recently how to get me some “Me Time” I hand my husband my daugher, I go upstairs so quietly and sneak into my bedroom past Jayden and run to my bathroom, shut & LOCK the door. Then I turn the Ihome on as loud as it can go (to drown out the screaming and crying coming through the crack under the door and the “Mommy, I’m thirsty”) and I run my hot, hot, scolding hot bath and sink in and read. Then when my heart just knows that Ella is on the verge of a breakdown downstairs, I drain the water, get out of the bath, look in the mirror and take a deep breath. I open the door and reality slaps me right in the face. But there’s a smile on it, because for the past 8.7 minutes I was alone, with a book and loud music and there were no children or husband in there to ruin it for me. And that 8.7 minutes will get me through the next 24 hours.

To write about your “Me Time” head over to MamaBlogga for this month’s writing project.