Category Archives: Me

A Mama Woops

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Today was long! I changed Ella’s diaper tonight and got up, threw her diaper in the garbage and then went to FINALLY get on my blog and talk about how my son graduated from Kindergarten yesterday and how Ella has another tooth and all the things that I’m just now too exhausted to talk about, when….. my husband says “Are you just not gonna put another diaper on her?”

I walk in the living room and Ella’s sitting there with the Xbox 360 remote right in between her legs. A part of me was secretly hoping that she would pee all over it, but of course that would never happen. No. She’ll just wait until she finds a great opportunity to pee all over me.

It’s official ~ I’m losing it. At least I did this at home and not in public.

Echo Echo Ecccchhhhooooo

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I know, I know, it’s like there’s an echo going on here, but here I am to update as to why. I’ve been running around like a crazy, mad woman, and things are so different with Norm and my Grandma living here.

It got to the point in only a week I was done. I was tired of it and I didn’t want to leave my family behind anymore to tend to them. I know, I’m terrible. SO! I came up with a solution…..

Here is my new trusty schedule and they MUST abide by it or I pack up and move a little more North…. and I’m not kidding 🙂

Sunday: Church and then after church BBQ @ Grandma’s house w/Norm and Grandma

Monday: LEAVE ME ALONE DAY I HAVE TO WORK!

Tuesday: In the morning I work – in the afternoon we go for a stroll through Lithia Park

Wednesday: In the morning I work – in the afternoon I take Norm to his massage & then we all go out to dinner

Thursday: LEAVE ME ALONE DAY I HAVE TO WORK!

Friday: In the morning I drop the kids off with my Grandma and go to read to Norm – in the afternoon I work

Saturday: The morning is ME time ~ In the afternoon we’ll take Norm out on the town for any shopping or whatever he’d like to do.

SO! That’s the set schedule, but of course it can be tweeked for fun things that come up. I’m hoping that we can catch a couple of play, since that’s what it’s all about where we live. Can you believe that I have yet to go see a play since I’ve lived here…. terrible, I know.

Okay new subject: Britney

As discussed previously I’ve been nervous for Britney, my long lost sister, to move here. I was not ready to look at her as a sister and decided to approach her as a friend instead. It’s working. She’s a pretty cool person, and while we don’t have tons and tons in common, we haven’t had a silent moment yet. I guess the fact that we both despise our biological father is common enough huh? So, we’re doing well here 🙂

Not so bad

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Things have been BUSY! I must say that they’re running a lot more smoother than I thought they would. Norm has taken to his new home quite well and I hope that he falls more and more in love with it here. I actually sit here writing without anyone in my house. That’s right ~ PEACE AND QUIET! I sent Gino and Jayden off to the movies and Ella off with my Grandma so I could actually get some work done. I LOVE IT!!!

My sister Britney ~ the one who’s moving here, sent me a text and asked if she could have a part in my children’s lives. She said that she really would love to get to know them, and that kinda put a smile on my face. I liked that she asked and I’m starting to realize that while we may be different, we have similar situations. She doesn’t know me and she’s probably just as reserved as I am.

I’m going to follow my dear friend Sam’s advice of starting out with a friendship and not a sister relationship. I’m taking a deep breath and hoping it all goes well.

A Slice of Family Dysfunction

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I thought I’d elaborate a little on an ingredient in my soup life that makes my family dysfunctional. As has been stated before, I have a dad that has 4 daughters with 4 different women. My father has been married 4 times. My current step mom is 2 years older than me. She’s different and I find it kinda funny that out of all the women in my dad’s life she’s stayed with him the longest. From my calculations, they got together when she was 17 ~ yes, that would mean I was 15. I told you ~ DYSFUNCTIONAL!

It’s situations like that, that make me happy I wasn’t a big part of his world ~ or should I say that he wasn’t a big part of mine. I’m working on things here, and she’s a big issue with me. I don’t really care for her, because she lies. She doesn’t even seem like a girl to me. She acts just like my dad, and she’s a drunk. She’s drama and she loves to gossip, and those 2 things are definitely things that I try to stay away from.

However, she called last night. My phone rang and when I saw who it was I just stared at my phone for a minute contemplating what exactly I should do. I decided that if she was calling ME then if must be some emergency, because ever since I’ve moved here it’s been a little obvious that she didn’t care for me much. So, I answered it.

This is how our conversation goes….

“OMG, Amanda! You are not going to believe what Alyssa (my 15yo sister) did.”

I sat there thinking – OMGosh is she seriously calling ME to gossip. Is she seriously that immature? It’s been baffling me today and what Alyssa did is really what all 15 year old girls do – she went to the movies and had a boy meet her there.

I promise I really am going somewhere with this. I brought this odd conversation up with my husband and he told me something that I didn’t want to hear. He actually told me to appreciate that she’s trying to make an effort with me. Hmmmm….. Well, I really don’t think that calling me to gossip is a great way to make an effort with me. Why is that he just can’t feel how I feel and agree when HE’S SUPPOSED TO AGREE? I guess that’s why I love him.

I never thought I had issues with my dad and his whole dysfunctional family situation, but I’m learning that I really do. I want to put up a brick wall and pretend like they don’t exist, but is that really the right thing to do?

My friend Sam left a comment earlier that I’ve been thinking about all day. She made a point with my sisters that I don’t have to replace Jessica with these girls, but form different bonds with them. Why is that so hard for me to do? Why is so hard for me to accept that I actually have other sisters out there and they actually would love to be a part of my life? It’s not their fault that our dad is a loser. Yet, I’m still feeling reserved with this.

Batman Twirler

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I love Christmas. I have so many wonderful memories from Christmas time as a child and I just came across this photo of Mitch (my brother), Jessica (my sister) & me. You have to admit, the socks are just the coolest things you’ve ever seen.. I know that my kids will have lots to laugh about when they get ahold of pictures of me as a little girl.

I wanted to talk about a couple of memories that I have around Christmas time. Memories that always have stuck with me. My sister and I used to love to twirl around in our dresses and I so wish I had a picture of this, but so did my brother. My brother and sister are only 12 months apart, so he would get dressed up in one of her dresses and twirl with us. As he was twirling you could see little batman underwear under the dress.

Every year for our Christmas tree we’d go behind our house, which was desert, and look for our Christmas tree to cut down. We’d always have to go really late at night when it was really dark, and I never caught on to the truth of the whole charade until my mom told me not too many years ago. My mom and her brother would actually go up in the mountains and find our tree, cut it down and bring it down and prop it up against the little non-Christmas trees behind our house. Somehow, they had us fooled to think that we were actually going in the back, hunting for our perfect, tree. Last week I talked of the trick my mom pulled on me, and she always tried to make things fun and memorable, and I’m lucky to have had a mom like that.

So, I know it’s not Christmas time, but finding this picture brought back so many memories. So, here’s Fro’ Me to You ~ if you wanna join in on this fun carnival of reaching into the depths of your childhood head over to We are THAT Family and join in!! Even if you don’t, she has a great blog so take a look around!!

Baby Steps – This step was great!

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I actually don’t feel like I had a very productive week. I was hoping to get the spice cupboard organized and I failed at that. However, I talked about my laundry problem last week and I’m proud to announce that I did continue with my laundry and have about 1 load left. That is by far the most shocking thing ever in my life!!!

Here’s my HUGE tackle of the week and it has nothing to do with housework. I have been talking about one of my sisters from my father that I alienate myself from. You can read about it HERE. She’s 15 and I came to the realization that she’s a really sweet girl and I should try to start a relationship with her. She’s 15 and that’s such a hard time in life and it would be great if I could be a good role model. We both have the same dad and we both didn’t grow up with him, well she kinda did. Anyways…. today I picked her up from school and we went to see a movie together. We had SO MUCH FUN!!! We saw ‘What Happens In Vegas’ and we laughed from the beginning all the way to the end.

It was such a big tackle for me and I feel good about myself for opening up to her and letting her in my life. I hope that this relationship will grow and I will soon feel like she is my sister, since technically she is.

Staying positive

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I must say today was a *Bee-u-tiful* day! The sun was shining, the birds were singing ~ all in all it was a glorious day. Okay… the sun wasn’t shining, but the birds definitely were singing. They’ve been building a contraption in some vent that is above my stove. We hear them.

I did have a better day today. I definitely believe that the blessing that I received helped TONS. My husband getting a new battery put into my car helped tons. Praying and begging for some sort of peace inside of me is helping tons.

I have noticed that patience is growing slowly inside of me, and that’s the most important thing. When you lose your patience it’s almost extremely frightening. Your children rely on patience. Your marriage relies on patience. When you lose your patience you can lose it all.

I’m hoping that my hormone levels are regulating themselves. I haven’t called my doctor’s office to schedule getting the Mirena removed, but will be putting a phone call in to them tomorrow.

Step 1 Taken

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As I was saying earlier today I need to try to make an effort with my 15 year old sister Alyssa, who lives here. I saw her today up at my grandparent’s when I went to go pick up my battery and I asked her if she wanted to go to the movies tomorrow. She seemed excited! I felt really good about it inside. So, we’re going to go and see What Happens In Vegas, which is a movie I’ve really been wanting to see.

Step 1 has been taken and I feel really good about it.

A step in a positive direction…. I hope

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I think it’s time for me to soften my heart a little and reach out to one of my sisters from my father. Yesterday my cousin who I’m very close to showed up with her baby and had my sister Alyssa (15) with her. I wasn’t sure how I felt about it. I’d made a decision that I really didn’t want to get involved with my dad, and she’s a part of him.

She sat in my living room and talked of how she’s going through some things in her life and I felt bad. Here I have a girl that wants a part of my life, of my kids life and I’m backing away into a dark and lonely corner. She’s never done anything to me. If anything, she kindof (KINDOF) had it like me. She didn’t have the luxury of having my father in her life all the time. However, she did have him. Her mom made sure of it. She has a relationship with him where she actually feels love for him in her heart. I wonder how that feels. I wonder how it feels to have a dad to rely on.

I think I should take baby steps with this and start out by taking her to get our toes done together. It’s not her fault. She’s actually a really enjoyable girl, and I need to do this. I need to stop alienating myself from them all. Baby steps. My goal of the week is to call her and plan a time for us to do something together.

I’m Getting a Blessing Today

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The missionaries are coming over today to give me a blessing. I feel like this is exactly what I need with all of the hormone issues I have been going through. I’ve prayed and asked for patience and while I have noticed a difference I still believe that there’s a missing piece here, and my last resort until I can get this Mirena out is to get a blessing.

I had such a wonderful at time at church today and it’s amazing what going there can do to my soul. I can be stressed out with a million things on my mind, and the minute I walk through those doors I feel this relief. Then when I walk out of those doors I feel motivated to strive hard at doing the best I can to follow the gospel. I think that’s why it’s so important for us to go to church every week, because it sets the tone for the following week. I miss church sometimes, and it always seems like the following week I have a horrible week. I’m not thinking straight, I don’t feel motivated to read my scriptures, which always make me feel good, or even pray.

I’m realizing that right now in my life I am struggling with something big within me. To feel stress and anxiety due to lack of necessity hormones in my body is wretched feeling. I sometimes lay in bed and cry, because I hate the way I’m acting. I hate the way I’m treating the people that I love and care for the most. My children need a mom with patience, it’s not fair. I know that they, especially Ella can feel my frustrations and I don’t like that.

I hope that this blessing will help me to hang in there until this all gets figured out.