Category Archives: Parenting

Nothing but everything to say

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She’s not growing up as quickly as the other two did.  I feel as if she’s soaking up her babiness – and I love it.

She’s 5 months already. She started sitting up a few days ago, and eating foods through her meshed little holder {coolest thing I’ve ever seen!}  She’s teething, but I’ve noticed a HUGE difference ever since she started wearing her new amber necklace.

She’s such an amazing little soul that I just can’t get enough of.  Ella and Jayden adore her and have been nothing short of an amazing help with their new little sister.  I feel like I’m discovering more about myself as a mother this time around.  I’m realizing things that are important, things that aren’t.  I’m remembering that the days are long, but the years are short – so I try to treasure every moment with Aliyah being so small, cuddly, loving, BABY.  The idea that she’s approaching her half year mark makes me cringe a little inside.  I’m not rushing the milestones.  I’m just enjoying the small things.

I probably have around 7 unpublished blog posts.  Posts I’ve started and not finished, posts I chose not to share – I feel like lately I have so much to say yet nothing to say, if that makes any sense to you.  I might release those blog posts soon – I don’t know.

I feel unorganized a bit in my life. I don’t feel like reading blogs and writing on my blog is going to help me in that department, so I’ve sortof strayed a little to get myself and my home life a little more organized – and I’m so not even close! There’s so much CRAP that I just need to get rid of. I’m trying to simplify things in my home, with my friends {I’ve had to dejunk a few of those as well} and really try to reach within ME to figure out things that I need in my life.

While I feel a tad unorganized lately, one thing still remains a constant, and that’s this beautiful family of mine. I was sitting here tonight thinking about how lucky I am to be in love with my best friend, to have these amazing kids who drive me CRAZY during the day, but hold all this love for me and I for them. We’re not a perfect family, but we are a family – and a family who has fought hard to be where we are today. A girl I know – her family is falling apart right before her eyes. Her husband decided he was done. I can’t be more thankful than I am at this moment to have a husband that is in it for the long haul – that isn’t willing to throw the towel in when perfection doesn’t exist. This man right here…. he’s my happily ever after. Thank God for him.

Effecting my other babies

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Today is 2 weeks & 5 days of us being a family of 5.  I don’t think it’s been going extremely fast as I feel like Aliyah has been here with us a lot longer than that.  But she hasn’t and I’m sitting back and realizing how different things actually are.

I didn’t expect things to change much, because what’s another kid in the scheme of things?  Things are actually changing with the other two.  Things that I don’t want to change are changing.  I’m holding a lot of this in and it’s probably not a good thing, but I’m very emotional about the differences in their personalities that I’m noticing.

Jayden’s not listening as well as he did before.  I’ve been frustrated with him and my patience is worn so thin already from Ella’s new behavior issues that I just at times CAN’T HANDLE ANYTHING MORE.  It seems like when I’m at my breaking point Jayden starts acting out.  Then I sit here thinking….. holy crap what in the world am I going to do?  Then after I’m acting frustrated and irritated with Jayden I start to feel so guilty.  I expect him to always be good and be my helper, but I can’t expect these things always from him.  He’s 9, and he’s so patient and understanding when it comes to his sisters.  He knows that they’re younger and that they require more attention, and he never complains.  I owe it to him to be patient with him.  I owe it to him to make sure that I am putting aside time EVERY, SINGLE DAY for just the two of us.  Just the two of us to talk, to read, to watch a movie together….. I HAVE to make sure that he’s getting his special attention from his mom.  I HAVE to remember that he needs praise for all of the things that he does for me.  I can’t forget to let him know how grateful I am for all the help he gives me, for the hard work he puts into his school work, and for the amazing big brother he is to both of his sisters.

My Ella.  Oh my sweet, sweet girl who seriously has my heart grasped in her little hand.  She’s been my baby for the past 3 1/2 years and all of a sudden when I look at her I don’t see baby anymore; I see a girl.  Ever since I came home from the hospital she doubled in size.  She’s become more independent and doesn’t “need” me as much anymore.  I still cling to the snuggles I get when she crawls into my bed in the middle of the night.  As much as I don’t like her in my bed, it still gives me a sense of her still being my baby girl in a way.  She’s been amazing with her new baby sister.  No jealousy, just love.  She’s been a struggle though in other ways.  She isn’t listening.  At all.  To the point where I seriously just want to freak the freak out.  My patience with her has worn EXTREMELY thin and I find myself just praying that we can have one day of her cooperating and not making things difficult for me.  Actually, not even a day…. half of a day would be lovely.

But I need to realize that life for them has changed.  For Jayden it’s changed drastically, because not only has a new baby entered his life – he’s now being homeschooled.  I need to find the patience within me that they need.  I need to realize that they’re acting out because life as they knew it has changed.

Many people have told me that 3 kids is hard, and I’m realizing now that it’s the effect on the other children that makes it hard.  Adding Aliyah into the mix isn’t hard; she’s not hard.  It’s just having everybody find their new place in this growing family.  It’s me having to allow Ella to become a little girl as she so abruptly flees from being my baby.  It’s making sure that Jayden doesn’t feel like he’s getting lost in the mix of little ones.  These are the things that are hard as a mom for me.  My heart aches thinking that they might silently be struggling inside with the new changes in our life.

But in the end I know they love Aliyah so much, and I know that this too shall pass.  And until then I will lavish in these beauties that I call mine.

The moment I pray for God to have some answers for me

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I’m just going to pre-warn you all that there is probably going to be some MAJOR rambling with this post…. I’m upset, and I’m confused and it’s times like this that I wonder why God entrusted me with children…. what if I make a wrong decision?

Shortly after I posted my {post} on Jayden being an Out of Sync Child and then my {post} on him realizing he’s different, I received a phone call from a friend of mine.  Our children go to school together and she had something VERY upsetting to tell me….

Let me first give a little background on her daughter Hailey & Hailey’s friend Riley.  These girls have been going to school with Jayden since Kindergarten.  They have ALWAYS looked out for Jayden and stuck up for him when they’ve seen a problem with the way other children are treating him.

Hailey came home to tell her mom that there were boys that had Jayden cornered and was holding Jayden around his neck.  Hailey, Riley and another girl went over and told the boys to knock it off and basically saved Jayden from these boys.

I am heartbroken.

I am speechless.

I am utterly at a loss for what I’m supposed to do here.

My first instinct is I would like to pull Jayden out of school and protect him from the evil kids that are hurting him.  But I don’t have the confidence in me that I can do as good of a job as his teacher does.  He has so much help to help him succeed in academics, and I feel like I’d be at a total loss.  But I don’t want ANYBODY hurting my child.

There’s been a lot of talk about bullying lately.  I just read a fantastic {post} by Single Dad Laughing regarding bullying, and if you have read it I HIGHLY suggest that you do.  It’s long, but heart felt and something EVERY parent & teacher needs to read.

2 days after writing the above:

Jayden finds everything to be a game.  He doesn’t quite understand what a bully is.  To Jayden, it’s a game and he doesn’t see the severity of it.  To Jayden he’s actually getting some kind of attention from one of his peers.  He’s been more effected by kids who call him weird than kids you have threaten or done physical harm.  But how many times of some kid telling him he’s weird or gay or sucks balls {yes, that’s one of the newest ones} can I allow to happen?  Eventually with so many times of being told you’re something you eventually begin to believe it right?

My friend’s husband is a special education teacher and recently had taken my kids along with his daughter to Jayden’s school one evening to let them play while I got some homework done. Jayden was telling him that he always plays by himself at recess, and Jeremy asked him why he would play with himself when there’s so many kids to play with. Jayden said that because the other kids think he’s weird.  This does things to my heart that I can’t even begin to describe.

I do not want my son to have his “social” time that is so important for children to be negative like that. I feel like I can create a positive social atmosphere for him. Why should I have him somewhere where people are continually putting him down?

I’m not going to lie, making a decision of taking your child out of school is a VERY hard decision to make.  I don’t want to completely shelter my child from society, but at the same time I do.  I don’t want him to graduate, go off to college and be completely clueless to the world.  I don’t want him to miss out out on playing sports in school if that’s what he wants to do, or going to prom, or the thrill of having a crush on a girl at school.

BUT I don’t want him to learn ways from other children whose parents don’t care about them and treat them horribly.  I don’t want my son to have to deal with people putting his self esteem down because he’s “different”.  Then comes the academics side of it all.  Budget cuts keep happening, programs I find beneficial for children are being taken away…. example: MUSIC!

I am really starting to think that trying to do homeschool with Jayden might be the way to go.  There’s an amazing FREE program available in our state called {Connections Academy} and it just seems like the perfect thing.  I can create a positive social atmosphere for Jayden, which I just really feel like he needs.

I really would love any and all advice from anybody out there will to give it to me.  Please share with me why you are homeschooling, your successes with it, if you’ve done Connections Academy your thoughts on it….

This is such a scary decision for me.

The Judging Game is OLD

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This quote is now on my blog in many posts ~ it’s my favorite quote ever, and today I feel like I need to reference it.

“Each of us must direct our own lives, chart our own course and make our own decisions, and what is best for me is probably constraining for you. We too often forget the fact that what most of us need is to be nurtured, not improved. An emphasis on improvement confirms our inadequacies, while nurturing affirms who we really are and who really loves us. Too often we try to help others by seeking solutions to their problems, or giving them our plan for personal improvement when what they need is love, understanding and acceptance.

Let us remember these two things: that personal joy comes from appreciating the present and that the greatest gift we give to others is a nurturing heart.”

I really don’t understand why so many moms have to have that holier than thou attitude. First of all unless you are walking directly in one’s shoes you have no idea what their circumstances are. Making a mother feel bad about her choices is downright petty and sickening to me.

Similac screwed up. They had beetles in their formula. Millions of moms rely on this to feed their babies, and while some choose to use this, some don’t have a choice. So when I see on Facebook & Twitter comments like “My breastmilk has never been recalled.” or “Pretty sure that I haven’t had any beetles in my breastmilk today” it makes me want to click unfollow and scream!

Did you know that there are actually moms out there that don’t have the choice but to give their child formula and seeing comments like these only make them feel horrible inside.

I have 2 formula fed kids one BY CHOICE! {Go ahead, click unfollow} The other because she was mediflighted and almost died of a heart condition. And guess what ~ they are SO HEALTHY! I didn’t have issues with ear infections while they were babies, I didn’t have sickness after sickness, and our bond is JUST as strong as a breastfeeding mom and her baby’s is. 

I’m so tired of the competition. What works for you may not work for another. What works for me might not work for you, but God didn’t place my child with you and your child with me. Stop judging, stop thinking that your way is the RIGHT way, because it’s ONLY the right way for YOU…. not me, not her, not anybody else.

This doesn’t just stop with formula ~ it’s everything that has to do with parenting. There’s just some people out there that think they have it all figured out. While they’re juding everyone along their path of motherhood they’re missing out on the beautiful feeling that acceptance and a nurtuting heart can bring.

Stop to Kiss That Precious Smile

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Apparently I’ve lived under this blogging rock and had no idea about The SITS Girls.  I noticed these past couple of days that some of my favorite bloggers were participating in this Back to Blogging, clicked on a link and found where all the cool bloggers are!  SO I had to jump on board.

Today is about bringing back a post you wish more people had read.  YIKES, I have quite a few of posts like that, but this one I read while looking back and realized it definitely was a post that I NEEDED to read.  So here you go….. I originally posted this on October 12, 2009 for Just a Motivating Monday.

 

I did not have the best week ever… but I’m going to try to turn that around this week. I’m focusing on the positive. I get so stressed out sometimes with work and my kids and the house and then feel like I completely suck at everything… and I know that I’m not the only one who feels this way.

I read this poem somewhere.. I have no idea who to give it credit to, so if you know who wrote it please let me know so I can credit the writer.

Dear Lord, it’s such a hectic day
With little time to stop and pray
For life’s been anything but calm
Since You called on me to be a mom
Running errands, matching socks
Building dreams with building blocks
Cooking, cleaning, and finding shoes
And other stuff that children lose
Gitting lids on bottled bugs
Wiping tears and giving hugs
A stack of last week’s mail to read
So where’s the quiet time I need?
Yet when I steal a minute, Lord
Just at the sink or ironing board
To ask the blessings of Your grace
I see then, in my small one’s face
That you have blessed me
All the while
And I stop to kiss
That precious smile

I want to talk for a minute on why this poem really hits home with me. We strive to do a million things throughout the days/weeks and we need to stop to appreciate the biggest blessings that we have received and it’s the sweet faces of our babies. I hope that this post motivates you to do something special with your children this week. Something out of the ordinary, something that lets them and you know that they truly matter. They truly are the reason for every single thing that we do in this life. They are the reason you are keeping your blog, they are the reason you feel complete. Stop, kiss that precious smile and be thankful for the stressful moments, the screaming moments, the tears and fears…. because it’s all a blessing and a beautiful one at that.

 This post is being written for SITS girls Back to Blogging this blogging event is being sponsored by Standards of Excellence, Westar Kitchen & Bath, and Florida Builder Appliances

Fears of a Mama of 3 to Be

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Oh my most favorite day of the week ever!

You think that your life feels complete and that there is nothing missing until the birth of your new child. I’m 26 weeks and 2 day pregnant.

I have fears inside of me that I had with Ella.

Fears that I know will vanish the moment I look into this baby girl’s eyes.

Fears that there’s no way I could love this baby as much as I love my other two children.

The love for your children is something that is so big, so powerful, and so incomprehensible, that you can’t imagine it for even a second. As much as I know that I love this little flipper in my stomach I can’t fathom loving anything or anybody as gut wrenchingly much as I love Jayden and Ella.

But you know what, I felt this exact same way when I was pregnant with Ella. I had fears of not loving her as much as I loved Jayden, because how in the world could I ever love anything as much as I love Jayden? The minute I looked into Ella’s eyes, she had my heart. This is something that I have to keep reminding myself. As fearful as I might be that there’s a chance I won’t love this baby…. It’s only a fear and I know that she’ll capture my heart the same way Jayden and Ella both did.

I’m starting to get anxious and excited about the arrival of the new baby. It’s hard to believe that in a few short months our life is going to be extremely changing. There’s going to be a little, teeny, tiny baby that’s our’s. It’s so surreal.

The Hard Parenting Moments

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Stepping out of the bathroom with a huge grin on your face because YOU ARE PREGNANT, you aren’t thinking about the challenges that are going to come along with those 2 beautiful pink lines.

I can still remember walking out of the bathroom and my husband being on the phone with his dad and me smiling holding up the test.  I just was imagining all the cute little baby clothes, and baby feet, and first steps and tickles and giggles.  What I wasn’t thinking about was the challenges that would arise.

What I wasn’t thinking about was that one day while at the park my son was going to be called gay, because he had to encounter heartless children that unfortunately are not being raised with any morals what so ever.

My innocent, little son because he told a kid “Nice bike” is deemed “gay”.  My son knows what being gay is, because he has a gay aunt.  My son knows what being gay is, because this isn’t the first time he’s been called a derogatory name like this by a child who unfortunately is being raised by parents who have no grounds to even be able to have a child.

I as an adult can understand why children act like this.  I can comprehend the fact that this is what they are being raised around.  But my almost 9 year old son cannot.  His sweet little soul asked me, “Why would they call me that?  I’m not gay.” All I can say to my son is…

“You are going to go through your life encountering people who are nasty, people who have a very hateful outlook on this world and towards people.  You are going to have many people attack you as a person because you have morals, you know what’s right and what’s wrong and you care about other people.  Instead of feeling hurt inside over these words that are crushing, I think it’s a wonderful opportunity to pray that whatever it is that’s hurting these people in their lives that they find peace.  Pray that they will soften their hearts and stop lashing out on the world for their own miseries.

No matter what, always know that if you can keep yourself composed and never stoop down to their level and always just wish the best among all of those around you, especially those who hurt you, you will be extremely blessed for this.  I promise that instead of feeling bad inside, you will feel good inside.  You’ll feel like you gave that person something they don’t have, and something they probably never were blessed with.”

As a mom this hurts.  I don’t ever want my children to feel the hurt that can come with other children’s anger and hatred towards the world…. Or should I say their parent’s anger and hatred shining through them?

Mommy Guilt Sucks

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This little guy used to be the center of my world entirely…. him and him only. He was the only baby in our family. My brother and sister hadn’t had children yet and the next baby in the family {my nephew} didn’t come until Jayden was 5. That’s 5 years of being spoiled by not only his mom & dad but my mom, my brother, and my husband’s family.


When he was 6 the next baby of the family came and that baby came directly to our little family. Miss Ella Bella.

I love how my family is growing, honestly I do ~ and the fact that we’re adding yet another to our family is beyond exciting. But my little man just keeps growing up, and our family just keeps growing. I can’t help but worry is he getting lost in the shuffle? Ever since Ella was born a lot of attention has been put on her, because of her heart. I hope I’ve never made Jayden feel like he wasn’t special or important, because he is still my everything. He is still and always be my first born, and he will always be the center of my world…. This little man changed my life for the better the minute I felt him move inside me.

I think that I need to do more things with just him so that he feels special.

Now to elaborate a little more on this….

Jayden’s growing up. He’s going to be 9 in a month and he’s much more independent than his 3 year old little sister. When I’m home she literally consumes me. Ella and I have spent the last 3 years together day in and day out. She’s venturing into being little miss independent and she needs constant supervision. And now there’s going to be a newborn in a few months ~ and I’m terrified that Jayden is going to not feel important…. And I need to make sure that this doesn’t happen! I need to make sure that everyday I am making him feel special and important in some way…. And that he gets alone time with me w/no other children getting in the way.

To top all of this off, tonight as I’m frustrated and trying to get Ella to bed and my frustrations were apparently showing, Jayden says to me, “Geez! What did I ever do to you? Why do you keep yelling at me?”

*GASP* was I yelling? I didn’t even realize I was yelling. I knew I felt frustrated, but in no way shape or form was it towards him. I had to grab him, hug him and apologize right then and there, because I deserved the BAD MOM award for that one.

Am I alone in feeling like this with my children?

Welcome to another week of me pouring my heart out.


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Working Mom, Turned Stay at Home Mom, Turned Working Mom

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For so many years ~ 5 years, 7 months I was a working mom. I was fortunate enough to be able to bring Jayden to work with me for the 1st year of his life, but after that…. I left him. EVERY, SINGLE DAY… MONDAY-FRIDAY. This changed in 2007 and I was so blessed to be able to become a work at home mom.

I have never had to leave Ella in the care of somebody else. I can’t even begin to describe what that means to me.

But here I am after 3 years & 4 months I am back to work.  It’s completely a temporary thing, and luckily Gino and I have opposite schedules, so they kids don’t have to go into anybody else’s care… but, I am feeling extremely bugged about it tonight.

I get home at 3:20pm, and since I’ve started working Ella has stopped napping.  You can tell when Ella is tired because she starts going into destruction mode then it’s get to the point where you can’t help but be completely irritated and it’s not good…. because it starts when I get home.  So, here I am missing out on the majority of the day with her and I get home and it’s not enjoyable.  I look at the clock longing for bedtime… 

and I officially feel like the worst mother EVER.  I hope I tomorrow is better, I hope that she’s not exhausted and I’m not exhausted. 

Dear November…. I can’t wait til you get here. 

I can’t wait til I can wake up in the morning to my sweet little girl’s sweet smile and laughter.  

I can’t wait to sit lazily at the table eating breakfast while we plan what fun events we’ll do during the day together.  

I can’t wait to not have to miss out on another moment with her, because her days are now filled without me…. and I don’t like it…. at all.

I can’t wait to just be with Ella, because she’s my best friend and I miss her.  

My life was consumed by her, and now it’s consumed with paperwork….. and computers…. and lunch breaks…. and silence.  I haven’t heard silence in years.  

I used to think I could never be a stay at home mom.  I used to think it took a special someone to do it, and that special someone could NEVER be me.  But you know what, I can’t imagine not being a stay at home mom.  I guess that I am that special someone I never thought I could be.  I hope that I can continue to do whatever it takes to ensure that I’m home with my babies… where my heart is.

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