Time and life

I have not been able to find enough time in my days lately. My to do list is overwhelming, my project lists are overwhelming and I sometimes feel like I’m failing as a mom. At the end of the day I sigh and wish I had taken videos of Ella’s cuteness, of the things that come out of my precious son’s mouth and maybe more pictures.

But after rushing through the day, and not even being able to keep up my house I almost feel as if I’ve failed the day. I need to be more structured, and although I’ve been working on this, I’ve never actually succeeded here. My entire family needs structure, because things get forgotten, and that’s not supposed to happen.

I used to spend a lot of time on the computer – not working, but doing the things that I love to do. I’ve cut that time durastically, because I felt like I wasn’t doing the best I could for my family. Things weren’t getting done, and dropping my computer time has indeed helped. But there’s more that needs to be done. I sometimes feel rushed and I don’t like that. I want more special one on one time with my children. I want to have a fun project that we do at least every other day. Their childhood is flying by and I’m scared that through rushing through my days that I’m going to miss something important.

I want to see the excitment in their eyes as they dip their hand in paint and not fret about the mess that’s about to be made. I want to have set hours that I work and not work other than those hours, a set time to sit with Jayden and have him read or read to him, a set time to spend one on one time with my husband (even if it just consists on catching up on Desperate Housewives episodes). I just don’t want to forget the important things I should be getting done daily.

My kids and my husband need to know that I do have it together, I can handle it all, and they are the most important thing ever to me.

Pee Pee on the POTTAY

Ella is officially being potty trained. It’s adorable I must say. She’s doing quite well too… shockingly.

Today however, she told me that she had to go potty, so I take her in there and she just sits on her potty and smiles, then says she’s done… didn’t do anything. So she gets up squats on my rug and pees. I giggled, because boy oh boy…. I can’t believe I’m potty training my baby girl.

I love her. I love absolutely everything about her. I love her temper, her smile, her kisses, her hugs, her love, how she snuggles, and her sweet, sweet soul.

My baby is being potty trained, and next blink she’ll be starting kindergarten.

IT WAS FAKE!!

I went to Jayden’s conference and left so pleased. My little man isn’t doing too bad, and I kept looking at the report card with this warm feeling in my heart…. he’s doing so great!

So, the fact that he’s doing great in school isn’t a fake, but that report card was! We got another student’s report card ~ so I have yet to see how Jayden is “really” doing LOL.

I have seen a huge difference in him and his school work. His reading comprehension used to not be as good as it is now. He’s been getting 100% on his reading comprehension answers, and his math skills at home have been excellent.

I as a parent need to try harder though. There are days that I actually forget to have him read to me… there shouldn’t be a day that goes by that Jayden isn’t practicing his reading. I need to be more structured with the kids and myself. I need a time schedule in this house to keep me on track. I know that it doesn’t work for some, but I think it would really work for us. Sometimes I get consumed in other things and I need to limit things for all of us…. computer time, TV time, and make sure that there is time for the things that matter.

I need to block time for my work for my grandparents, I need to block time for Wildtree and make sure that I’m not spending too much time on those things and not the kids. I should be completely done with everything by the time I pick up Jayden so that the rest of our day is spent together and that they have good memories… and this isn’t impossible. It just takes organization and structure… and I need to get us there.

My Jayden

Two nights ago Jayden lost yet another tooth. He was so excited and couldn’t wait for the tooth fairy to come and visit him. I snuck in durin the night and exchanged his tooth for a $5.00 bill (yeah, I know… lucky boy) and I walked into my bathroom where I have this little jewlry box that I keep his teeth in and I almost started crying.

These years are going by so fast and I don’t like it. I don’t want him to become a teenager and not want to be around me. I can’t believe that my baby boy 8 years old this year. How does that happen?

I need to do an update of pictures with the kids and am waiting for a good weather day so I can go get some really good ones of them together. My babies aren’t babies anymore…. and I’m feeling kinda sad about it.

Our Family’s New Addition…. and I need advice :)


Here’s Sophie!! She’s such a sweet addition 🙂

What a Sunday. It started for me at 5am waking up to Sophie pooping in her crate…. me not knowing, because it’s dark and letting her walk out of the crate instead of carrying her. It was gross, and made me want to cry, but we dealt with it.

She’s honestly done pretty well today on going to the bathroom outside…. I’m pretty proud! I must say though that dogs have HORRIFIC GAS! EWWWWWWWW!!!!!!! The kids have been having an absolute ball with her. They all run around the house chasing each other and having fun. Ella is hilarious and Jayden is so happy.

So, I’m funny in a way that I don’t like change. I hate it actually, and when you throw something new in the mix I feel kinda down. I’m feeling that way today and I’m not sure if it’s Sophie or if it’s a decision that I think we’re going to make. It actually could be a mixture of the 2.

A while ago I talked about an opportunity that my Grandma had offered us, which you can read about HERE. Basically I just never talked about it with her and made up my mind that it’s not doable. There’s no way in hell that I’m going to live in a *&it hole like Ely for 2 years. Just not happening. Well, she called today saying that she really needs our help, and I know this. I am the manager of this mobile home park there that is her’s, and I know that there are many things that need to get done. Things that I can’t make sure are getting done from Oregon. So, her new proposal is that we come for 6 months. This is a lot better than 2 years and is actually doable. If we leave when Jayden gets out of school then 3 months of that will be summer, in which we can take lots of little vacations with him. I won’t need to actually be in Ely for the entire 6 months, we can do 3 weeks there, 1 week on the road…. or something like that. The next 3 months after his summer break I’ll home school him until we return to Talent.

So, what’s my husband to do about work when this is all over? What are we going to do about insurance since I do have a Cardiac baby? This is why 6 months just might be okay. Gino can take a leave of absence from Home Depot for up to 6 months (I believe this is the max he’s going to check into this). At the end of our journey he will be guaranteed his job back at Home Depot, with no change in position or pay. Nice huh? For insurance we just pay Cobra and we will all remained medically insured.

The Perks?

  1. We get a 6 month vacation from life with guaranteed jobs after we’re done.
  2. Get to live for free
  3. All money I get paid just gets saved up
  4. We get to travel
  5. I get to spend time with my Great-grandma before she passes away
  6. Did I mention we get to travel????
  7. We will get to help my Grandma out in ensuring that the park is running smoothly and looking it’s best.
  8. We’d get to take the kids to the Salt Lake Temple…. Gino definitley needs to see that!
  9. All the above isn’t too bad right?

The Downfalls?

  1. Well, first off I’d be leaving all my friends that I’ve learned to love so much.
  2. I’d be leaving the beauty of Southern Oregon
  3. I would miss out on the first 2 1/2-3 months of my nephew’s life
  4. I’d be in the miserable town of Ely
  5. We’d have to change wards, which is something I really don’t want to do, but I think we’d be okay here. We are a very strong family, we’ve been through it all…. literally, and I know that we can make it through about anything. I know that we can stay strong in the church, and if Gino has issues with it I’ll just stay strong and set the best example I can.
  6. Jayden would miss out on the first month of school…. luckily here they don’t start school until September, so if we came back in October I’d only be homeschooling him for a month.

I think we might do it. We’ve been planning on moving out of this place anyways, since we’re growing out of it. So, in June we can leave and come back in October to a new home…. maybe even one we’ll own 🙂

I had amazing feedback on my last post regarding this topic, and I appreciate it all so much, so I’m begging for some here! Looking at the perks and downfalls, would we be dumb not to do this?

The Secret Life of Bees

I just closed this book after reading the final page and was compelled to run to my blog to talk about it. What a powerful story. This book was so satisfying and is up there as one of my favorites. If you haven’t read it, I HIGHLY suggest it.

Forgiveness.
It was mentioned in the book that people would rather die than forgive. Forgiving is a VERY difficult thing to do, but it is also something that we are supposed to do. Matthew 6:14-15 it states For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your Heavenly Father will will also forgive you: But if ye forgive men not their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. I don’t know about you, but I definitely know that there are many things that I’ve done wrong, and I most definitely hope that one day I will be forgiven for those things. It is hard to forgive, but it’s necessary. We’re all human, we’re not perfect, we make mistakes. Your entire past could be a mistake and full of wrong doing, but you can definitely say your prayers, repent, and try to change your ways. Try to make the best of the rest of your time on earth. It’s never too late, and it’s not right to make other’s suffer that are in need of YOUR forgiveness. While it’s easy to just turn your head, and and not forgive those who have done wrong to you, would you want your Heavenly Father to do that to you?

Mothers. This is definitely a book based on mothers. Lily struggles with so much in this book with her mom. Her mom died when she was young and Lily is constantly searching for love. When your mom leaves you or when you die, you are constantly going to be searching for that void inside. Many emotions probably arise from this, and in Lily’s case there’s a complete love/hate relationship with her dead mom. I know that the way that Lily has been effected by her mom’s death can be the same for children who’s mom left them behind….. moved on with their life. Selfishness. Those kids will always have a love and hate relationship with the memory of their mother. Yearning for her love and hating her for what she did to them.

Dealing with our problems. Dealing with our emotions. We all have ways in our life that we deal with our problems. Some people write about them, some people try to ignore them, sometimes we turn to our Heavenly Father. In this book there was a wailing wall, where you write it out on a paper and stuff it into the wall of rocks. Whatever is on your mind, you just write it out and stuff it in there and be done with it. I wish that problems could be that easy, but it did make me think of lists. Weird, I know. I thought how when something’s bugging me I should just keep a journal with me, and write it there. It’s not there to completely forget, but it’s a list of things that I need to take care of, either within myself, or something that literally needs to be done. It’s not good to keep things boggled up, and if you can write it down and get it off your mind it could help. So, instead of a wailing wall, I think I might incorporate a wailing book into my life. I have issues with dealing with the things that are on my mind, I let things bog me down.

These are the feelings that I felt while reading this. These are the things I would’ve talked about at our book club had I gone this month. My next book that I will be reading is Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen. I’m anxious to start it and have read great reviews about it.

Here am I, send me

I was reading some blog posts and I came across one from a sister in the church that she had gotten from a talk given by M. Russell Ballard on March 13, 2001. You may click that link to read the entire talk.

The part she took out of it and posted on her blog is beautiful to me. I like to think that before I came to Earth and we were assembled talking of God’s great plan that I stood up and said, “Here am I, send me.” I imagine myself standing proud saying, I will be a mom to your spirit children, and I will love them and care for them.

“Here am I, send me.”

“Every sister who stands for truth and righteousness diminishes the influence of evil. Every sister who strengthens and protects her family is doing the work of God. Every sister who lives as a woman of God becomes a beacon for others to follow and plants seeds of righteous influence that will be harvested for decades to come. Every sister who makes and keeps sacred covenants becomes an instrument in the hands of God.

I have been drawn to an interchange between God the Father and His eldest and Only Begotten Son, who is the ultimate example of living up to one’s premortal promises. When God asked who would come to earth to prepare a way for all mankind to be saved and strengthened and blessed, it was Jesus Christ who said, simply, “Here am I, send me” (Abraham 3:27).

Just as the Savior stepped forward to fulfill His divine responsibilities, we have the challenge and responsibility to do likewise. If you are wondering if you make a difference to the Lord, imagine the impact when you make commitments such as the following:

“Father, if you need a woman to rear children in righteousness, here am I, send me.”

“If you need a woman who will shun vulgarity and dress modestly and speak with dignity and show the world how joyous it is to keep the commandments, here am I, send me.”

“If you need a woman who can resist the alluring temptations of the world by keeping her eyes fixed on eternity, here am I, send me.”

“If you need a woman of faithful steadiness, here am I, send me.”

Between now and the day the Lord comes again, He needs women in every family, in every ward, in every community, in every nation who will step forward in righteousness and say by their words and their actions, “Here am I, send me.”

My question today is, Will you be one of those women?”

Early Christmas for Ella – Elmo’s World

Yesterday I took the entire day to myself. I shopped, spent time with one of my sisters (one of the daughters of my dad… the 16 year old) and got my teeth cleaned, checked in w/my orthodontist…. it was a BUSY BUSY day. I absolutely loved every single second that I was out of the house without my kids.

While I was gone Gino had the kids helping out around the house. He told me Ella even had the swiffer and was mopping for him. Excuse me, but why don’t my kids do this for me??!?!?! Why is that my husband can get them to be productive but I can’t? Ridiculous!

Anyways… Gino went into our garage, which is nightmare beyond nightmare beyond nightmare to try to find my stocking that I’ve had since a baby. No luck, but he found a ton of other stuff! One of those talking Elmo’s that Jayden had as a baby that Ella now has fallen in love with. It’s like Christmas for her! So tonight she’s been going around pressing Elmo’s hand so that Elmo will sing Elmo’s World to her. He found tons books and their Finding Nemo movie… little did he know that I bought the movie yesterday for Ella. Now I have to take it back LOL.

I was going through some of the pictures that I took and found this one of Jayden… what the heck was going on with that expression? He is a crack up.

Pictures with Santa

We knew this is what kind of a picture we’d get this year. We already went to see Santa once and Ella was not very happy about him.

So, we let her scream and got the picture anyways…

It’s funny, because we have a framed picture of Jayden’s 2nd Christmas – roughly around the same age take away a month, and we were ALL sitting on Santa’s lap, because Jayden too was not very happy about the situation. Back, then I was a first time mom and wanted Jayden to be smiling and happy, now I’m like…. OH YES! Picture of the baby screaming….. at least we’ll have some good laughs about it one day.

I’m DONE DONE DONE DONE DONE with my shopping!!!! Feels so good. What doesn’t feel good though is the fact that in my garage is a ton of presents that need to be wrapped. *sigh*

I knew it was coming sooner or later!

Situation last night went down like this:

Jayden laying in his bed, us in ours… our door is open and I hear…

Jayden: Mom, a kid at school doesn’t believe in the tooth fairy. He says it’s his mom and dad who give him the money.

Me: Speechless and heart literally dropping into my stomach

Gino: Do you believe him, Jayden?

Jayden: No… he’s a liar liar pants and on fire. I believe in the tooth fairy! She needs teeth!

Me: Thanking God for keeping my little boy still little for a little bit longer.

Now, I know many parents have their own beliefs on this subject and it can get highly heated in debate forums, but I believe in keeping the excitement and spirit alive in my children. I think that it’s exciting anticipating the tooth fairy or Santa or any other mythical thing. I don’t want to take that away from my kids. I want Jayden to believe as long as he will. This will probably be the last Christmas that Jayden believes in Santa. I think what makes me the saddest about this is that he is growing up. I knew it had to happen of course, but it’s kindof hard to face. I hope that the magic in his heart stays there for at least a couple of more years.