We have got some exciting and fun things going on here at our homeschool.  We’ve really been enjoying Time 4 Learning for the main core subjects like Language Arts and Math.  For History we’ve been doing Story of the World, which has been SO MUCH FUN….. even for me!  I have to admit that going into fourth grade with Jayden this year I was a little nervous, but it’s all unfolding together perfectly.  I am seeking out advice in this post though….

Hopefully I get a few homeschool moms to peek on in and shed a little light on if what I’m doing is the right thing.

There’s so much curriculum out there…. like a ridiculous amount that I have a really hard time choosing between.  I have found with Jayden the thing that works the best is Time 4 Learning, because they teach him in a way that he enjoys and it clicks.  I always check to see what things he’s going to be learning on there so that we can discuss it further, or I can have worksheets on that topic printed.

I’m working on vocabulary building mainly just by reading books and getting a vocabulary list from books printed out and now I’ve discovered Vocabulary Spelling City to help with this as well…. I’ve known about Spelling City before, but I just recently learned about the premium membership and have been asked to do a review on it!!!  I can’t wait to see if this helps out with the vocabulary department.

I’m curious what other homeschoolers do for vocabulary?  My son has a communication disability where we really struggle in a lot of areas.  I’m really hoping that I can find a great special needs group to give me advice.

I know having him home is the right thing to do with him, and so far we’ve done okay…. I just hope that I’m covering all my basis here!!

Everybody in my family knows me as the girl who speaks her mind.

The only problem with this little tag on me is that I can’t speak my mind to them.  If you’ve read the history on this blog you might see the continuing issues of me not talking to this family member or that family member.  We have a major issue in our family with communication.  When someone has an issue with another in our family they usually will call everybody BUT that member to talk it out and hopefully have the person who has NOTHING to do with the situation step in and relay the message that SO AND SO IS PISSED or in other words isn’t thrilled with the way things were said/done/whatev.

It’s seriously a problem, people.

So, I’m the girl who has no problem speaking my mind in life except for when it comes to my family.  I fear that if I open up my heart to share how I feel about something that the person will cut me out of their life for a long period of time.  So I keep my mouth shut, brew it up inside and harvest bad feelings.

It’s a vicious cycle, but it’s one that is constantly going.

Here’s a moment that I wish my blog was private from my family and that they didn’t know about it, because I have to release the things that I feel inside and guess what…. that’s what my blog is for.  So I don’t know if these words will be read by anyone in my family, if they even read my blog…. but I have to get this off my chest.

My sister is getting married.

It’s not a secret on here that we went over a year with not talking to each other.  It was stupid and I’d say that we both handled the situation badly, but in the end here we are…. close {really close} and happy sisters again.

My sister has not asked me to be in her wedding.  Hurt doesn’t begin to describe how I feel inside, because I’m her sister….. I’m her lifelong friend…. I’m the one that will always be there no matter what, because THAT’S what sisters are for.  I’m the one that will always be there when the whole world goes out.  A sister is a forever friend, and I’m heartbroken that she doesn’t see me that way.  I’m heartbroken.  There really aren’t any other words.  We started becoming close again 6 months before her wedding, which is PLENTY of time to add me back in…. she just never did.  Heck, even her friend made alterations to her wedding to put my daughter in it after all her wedding party had been set.  It’s NEVER too late to add the people who matter, the people you love into your special day that you will remember forever.

I can’t imagine my wedding day without my sister standing up there by my side.  Had I not had my sister in my wedding, I can honestly say that it would be one of my life’s biggest regrets.

I feel replaced.  I feel like Ella has been replaced.  While this might not be the case, it’s how I feel….. and it’s crappy.

Summer arrived…… time for blogging sortof diminished.  We’re all doing great though.  I completely got myself in over my head with summer term at school and ended up having to drop my science class.  Pictures?  Ugh. I pretty much put myself in a hard spot to where I actually had ZERO… and I mean ZERO time to edit pictures.  I have a lot of personal pictures I need to go through and edit and photo books to create.  I think that the 3 weeks of school I get off I’m going to dive into some MAJOR picture editing and hopefully complete 1 photo book.  Good goal.

I’ve gone through a lot struggling this past month with feelings of overwhelmingness {yes, I do know that it’s not a word}. I realized that I needed to seriously declutter my life, structurize my life, make my home a haven for not only my family but myself.  And I’m not there…. Lord knows I’m absolutely not there, but I’m kicking some major butt up in here.  My garage has always been this place of hoarding.  So, not necessarily new stuff, but stuff I’ve tracked from one house to the next and just didn’t know what to do with it all.  Okay, okay, so I have this ridiculous amount of beautiful new picture frames that I’m hoarding in there as well… you got me!  Back to the stupid crap that follows me everywhere I go…. it’s in the garbage.  Yup.  I tossed it!  The kids room?  Basically almost everything in there was put at the bottom of the driveway with a free sign on it and it was all picked up within 5 minutes.  My niece Sydni came to spend 2 1/2 weeks with me to help me get it all done and we’re still going strong!!

I already feel like 110% better.  I’m on this throwing away kick that makes me think twice now about buying useless crap.

Our homeschool starts back up August 15th; well, Jayden’s does while Ella goes to a week long gymnastics summer camp for 3 hours per day.  Ella’s homeschool preschool starts up the following week.  I feel like with all the decluttering and organizing that’s been going down is going to make it all run so much smoother – or at least my sanity will through it all.

Aliyah is 8 months old.  Those words typing onto the screen make me cringe inside, because my baby is growing up.  But my goodness I love her so much and have soaked in every second out of her chubby little self!  She has 2 teeth, says dada, mama, tries to wave, claps, army crawls, has had her first ER visit {thought it was ear infection, ended up being an enterovirus} has love in her little eyes every time she looks at any of her siblings or parents and is nothing short of pure joy in our lives. I absolutely LOVE this little princess! 

I’ve always had a pretty strong faith in my heart regarding Jesus, Heavenly Father, the plan of salvation, the church I believe in {HERE}.  It’s just something that has been so embedded in my heart – one of those things you just know.  So when I heard about this amazing book called Heaven is For Real I had to give it a chance, because there was a purpose in me reading it…. I just knew it.

It’s been 4 years, 8 months, 2 weeks and 5 days since my baby girl Mya left my womb and went to heaven.  Ever since this happened I’ve struggled inside with wanting to know what happens with her soul – do babies who die in the womb await us in heaven?  Will I finally get to say hello to her and smile at her smile and kiss her sweet face?  Will I finally get my opportunity to feel her in my arms?  While I have understood that her purpose on this earth was served and there is a reason in everything – including her tragic loss, I have searched and searched for something telling me that “Yes, she’s in heaven and yes she’s waiting for you.”

This book told me that.  This book put a feeling in my soul that I needed in regards to not only Mya, but our baby who we now call Taylor who we lost a little over a year ago.

My heart is filled with many little whispers that I can’t voice out.  There’s silent ache there that when the night it quiet and the kids are tucked away – I sometimes embrace.  It’s easier to push it back – oh man is it easier.  I know that embracing the hurt along with the happy is okay.  I know that taking my leap of faith in life to live – and stop the worrying about everything is okay.  I know that my babies are waiting for me in heaven.  I KNOW this now, and while I’ve always had a hope – this book…. this book sealed the deal for me.

I have two extremely lovable, extremely cute and perfect little girls that remind me everyday that I went through that devastating pain of losing those babies for a reason.  THEY are my reasons.

I know we’ll never understand the big picture of our purpose. It’s something that wrapping our heads around isn’t fully possible. Faith helps me there – I have faith that there is a big picture, that there is a reason to my love, my sadness, my happiness…. my beautiful life.

There’s little things that we need to appreciate every day. Things like the worn tap shoes that my son wears on his feet and gets in front of over 200 people to tap his precious heart out. Knowing that these shoes, right here are truly to poetry to his feet. He sings from his feet – he whispers from his feet – there’s a story to be told with his feet. 

Every girl needs a sister. Every girl needs a best friend that is there for life. A sister is ALWAYS there when the world doesn’t stop.
A sister is a little bit of childhood that can never be lost – even for an older brother. There’s an extreme amount of love that flows out of this boy for his sisters.

This little one in our family is growing up on us. I knew it was going to happen. I just knew it. In less than 2 weeks she’ll be half a year…. damn it I blinked. She’s starting to love her toys, and watches her siblings with her eyes all lit up. She does this gurgle thing with her voice when she’s trying to talk to you. When you talk back to her or she thinks your talking to her, she does this little flirty thing that is HILARIOUS – and cute of course. I thought about putting her in her crib so I don’t create this cosleeping nightmare like I created with Ella…. but I just can’t do it. I love to snuggle her and soak up her littleness.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about being a mother. The excruciating pain it entails when you think back on the events of the day and recall all the screw ups you did. The yelling that could have been avoided – the imperfections that could have been done without. It’s times like these that I feel so grateful I can pray. It’s times like these that I feel so grateful that not only do I know that God will forgive me, but that my children are so quick to forgive me for my imperfections…. and I have no problems apologizing every day to them for not being perfect. But as I crawl in bed each night, and I shut my eyes to pray – I know that it’s okay. I will never be perfect. But I love these kids more than words on this blog could ever describe.

My kid does not have friends.

It has nothing to do with the fact that he’s not in school, because he had no friends there for the 3 1/4 years he was there.

As I’ve mentioned before, he has a language disability and it makes him socially awkward.  This in turn makes other kids and probably their parents think he’s weird and then they don’t give him a chance to open up and know the sweet, lovable, amazing Jayden that there is to know.  If you ask him who his best friend is he usually will say this girl he went to school with who probably doesn’t even pay any mind to him.  It’s heart breaking to me, and I can only ask a parent so many times if their kid will play with my kid.

Jayden is going to be 10 years old and it’s not okay to not have a friend that you can invite over to hang out with you, ride bikes with, play video games – just plain out be a kid with!

He’s okay with it.  He’s happy and enjoys doing the things that he loves like video games and playing games with his 3 year old sister, but a 10 year old’s best friend is not supposed to be a 3 year old.  I have him involved in activities and he enjoys them while he’s there – but that’s the extent of Jayden’s social life.  Tonight I picked him up from boyscouts to see him running around and around and around singing this song that’s in his head while the other kids are just quietly standing there.  He’s different!  We’re all different!  Why in the hell is it so hard to my son to have a damn friend who will accept him for who he is?!  We’re Mormon!  Hell, shouldn’t some of the kids in our ward befriend him?  No.  He doesn’t get invited to the birthday parties, he doesn’t get invited to ANYTHING – Jayden is ALWAYS the one left out and forgotten.

Look at him – he’s the sweetest kid you’d ever meet.  I don’t get it.  And I really don’t know what to do about it, because my heart is breaking.  

These are reasons why being a mom is hard. Not the fact that you have to actually take care of them, pay attention to them, feed them – all of that is easy peasy in my book! It’s the worrying about their health, their heart, their feelings, how this horrible, cruel world will treat them.

There’s this time in life when there’s no stress; no worries. The rising sun and the fluttering butterflies are the here and now – nothing else matters.

I’ve been paying attention to a lot of the young children these days and am sad to see so many growing up way too early. It is our job as parents to keep them innocent. I’m seeing 11 year olds with makeup and dressed like they’re 19 and I cringe inside. Why in the world would their moms take their childhood away from them?! I’m sorry, but there is absolutely NO NEED in this world for a 12 year old, let alone an 11 year old to be wearing makeup! 13 should only be the introduction to light makeup!

I just don’t fully get the rush! I know that the tweens are just DYING to dip their toes into the life of a teen and shortly after adulthood, but dang it! Once they are in their 20’s they’ll look back and wish that they still were innocent; still didn’t understand the worries of the world.

They’ll wish that they could have a tea party on the beach

Something about this picture is more refreshing than I can really, truly put into words. I can try to muster this out though, we live our lives by moment by moment. This moment, right here where the girls are so innocently gazing at the ocean makes me realize something so simple.

Life each moment like it’s your last, treat people like it’s the last time you’ll see them, chase your dreams no matter how old you are, reach within the depths of your soul and pull out that inner child within you – and remember that each moment that we have on this earth is a gift so treat it that way <3

I’ve had this whole post envisioned in my brain to do for the Ultimate Blog Party – because, come on! The Ultimate Blog Party post has got to be THE post….

But, my dear new friends, the post I envisioned isn’t happening. Because that’s life! It’s havoc and while it might be enchanting havoc….. at moments it’s definitely HAVOC.

So while I wanted to invite you in to grab a warm cup of goodness or a nice cold class of bubbly somethin somethin while you went on a guided tour around my blog, I’m gonna say – no major guided tour. Just a few little things about me –

I am mom with a camera.

I am a mom with a 9 year old boy who loves to tap dance.

I am a mom of a 3 year old diva whose favorite movie is Grease {gotta love her!} and loves to sing in the mirror. 

I am the mom of a 4 month old scrumptious baby girl that I just can’t kiss enough!

I am a special needs mom. My son has Sensory Processing Disorder along with ADHD and pragmatic language disorder. But he’s the sweetest dang thing that I’ve ever seen. My daughter has wolf parkinson white syndrome {a heart condition that puts her into SVT – if you’ve heard of Stellen basically she’s like him…. just controlled with meds} – She’s almost died. Twice. There actually was a moment in my life where I thought my daughter was dead.  The feeling I felt at that moment has forever changed who I am inside, and how I live my life.

I am PROUD to say that I am a new homeschoolin’ mama!!!!  And thank goodness I have the blog world to grab my hand and lead me down this new awesome journey!!

I am a positive inspirational JUNKIE!!!! I have a way of finally being able to see the sunny side of every situation….. even the really dark ones. Normally when I’m with it – haven’t been lately – I host an inspirational carnival on Mondays. It’s called Just a Motivating Monday. I usually do a post on positive thinking or ways to make you feel good inside and put a linkup for others to join in. If one of my posts helps one person…. EVER…. then my Motivating Mondays have served its purpose.

A little about my love of blogging:

There’s a whole lot of blogs out there…. so many that sometimes I feel overwhelmed and saddened that I can’t go and read them all. Blogging to me has shown me basically into the souls of some amazing people. I say people, because the dad blogs out there RAWK! I’ve found that I’m not alone in so many of life’s events that I go through, and reading others’ experiences helps me to grow from and understand mine. I have discovered my love for photography through blogging. I have found my little corner in this extremely huge blogoverse and poured my heart out. I’ve let strangers into my heart that I’ve never talked to, never met, yet have turned them into friends.

Blogging is a part of me.

~ Thank you for stopping by ~

I’ve been busy.

I have this overwhelming amount of homework to do.

And I just realized that last week I forgot to do Just a Motivating Monday…. and this week I’m skipping it too!  SORRY!

I have a huge paper that’s due on Friday and it’s seriously taking over every ounce of my brain.

But I do realize I owe everyone an ever so wonderful post on Kindness….. and I promise this will be coming soon.  I just have to get through this paper!

But I also realize that you MUST be having withdrawals of baby pictures right?

I have this one… from today