The winner of the Aboutone year subscription according to Random.org is #19

JEN

Jen said: This would save my life from the mountain of papers and receipts in our house. Awesome giveaway

Congrats, Jen!!   I will email you and you have 48 hours to respond before I draw another winner.

I sat down last night and typed out a very heartfelt post.  If you’ve ever read my Pour Your Heart Out posts before this was the topper of pouring it all out.  I hit publish, closed the computer and went to bed.  And it’s not here.  It’s not in my drafts…. it’s just GONE.

I’ve been going through different emotions lately and I’m starting to realize that these feelings are more than likely due to postpartum.  I get this rush of emotions and I can’t decipher if it’s a good thing or a bad thing.  At times I really think that the emotions I’m feeling are happiness, and other times I think it’s anxiety.  I despise anxiety and really hope that I’m not getting anxiety issues again.

I’m starting to come to the realization that I might possibly have ADHD.  I am constantly noticing symptoms of this and one of the biggest ones is changing subjects mid sentence.  I am notorious for this.  I have other symptoms as well, actually a lot, but the changing subjects mid sentence is highly annoying.  I don’t even know how to go about getting tested for this and really don’t even want to.  But I’m noticing, and that’s a start to a solution, right?

I miss my sister.

I miss her so much that it hurts.  But I miss the girl that was my sister unconditionally and believed me over girls that scream drama.  I miss the girl that I would spend hours throughout my day on the phone with.  I miss the girl that would call me for advice on parenting among other things.  I miss my sister, and I’m sad that my sister is probably not even the same girl as she was before.  It’s been over a year since we’ve talked.  While my heart has hurt through the whole thing, I know her’s hasn’t even been phased.  I will never understand how you could ever put anybody over your own sister…. never.  Sisters are supposed to be forever.

Today I went back to church.  It’s been about year since I was consistently going and today was the beginning of me getting back into that.  I have to be there not only for me, not only for my family, but for my children.  They need this in their lives.  The need the gospel to be a constant thing that is always there and always in their lives.  With how much dysfunction we have in our family, there’s no stability there. Especially with the crap that my inlaws recently pulled and then cut us and our children out of their lives forever because they have no sense of respect for space or family ~ perfect example of DYSFUNCTION All our kids have is us and the gospel and we have to be as constant as we possibly can.  I wish that my children had the blessing of this big, happy family, but they don’t.  It’s something we will eventually build together, but until then it’s just us and our happiness.  At least they have a happy home, right?

I know that I really push positivity on my blog, and every once in a while I put a little peek into my dysfunctional world on here ~ it’s the havoc in my enchanting life.  If I didn’t strive so hard and focus on positive things I would probably be in a very dark place all because of family.  I would stoop to other’s levels, and the end result would be me not being happy.  That is why I am so positive here, that is why I am constantly showing others that YES, YOUR LIFE MIGHT NOT BE THE BEST LIFE EVER, BUT YOU CAN CREATE HAPPINESS. I’m a prime example of pure havoc turn happy.  My family is so here, there and everywhere with hardly anyone talking to each other, but I wake up and I smile and I put one foot in front of the other and put my focus where it needs to be…. with my husband, my children and myself, and as of today back into the gospel.  Where it matters most.

As I was walking into a building I caught a glimpse of myself.  My reflection showed me what other people see.  A girl toting around 2 children with a baby strapped to her chest.

I saw myself as a mother.  Something I know I am, but don’t literally “see” very often.

I liked what I saw.  I felt this over powering feeling of peace in my soul.

I loved what I saw.

It prompted me to reflect on where I am now and where I expected myself to be.

I was supposed to be the executive girl.  I was supposed to work and NEVER be a stay at home mom.  I was supposed to have two kids tops.  And here I am…..

A full time college student at the age of 28, a stay at home mom of 3 and happier than I think I’ve ever been in my entire life.

When I saw my reflection I saw a person I am proud to be.  And it made me reflect on my post I wrote a year ago today on {Personal Development}.  I think that I could have definitely done more on my personal development, but I am proud to say that I have grown leaps and bounds this past year.  I’m becoming much more happier with who I am and who I am growing into.

With this being said, I would like to continue on this journey that I started last year. I am dedicating this year to another beautiful year of personal development. Below is the same blueprint I mapped out for myself last year. Why fix something that isn’t broken, right?

SELF:

~ Read at least 10 pages of motivational reading EVERY DAY
~ Plan out my days…. do not wing it!
~ Spend 20 minutes every day silencing my mind
~ Scripture reading every day
~ Avoid any and all negativity! Gossip, downers, complainers… you get the point.

FAMILY:

~ Ensure that my family goes to church EVERY SUNDAY
~ Preplan and have Family Home Evening EVERY MONDAY
~ Make sure that I set time aside that is ONLY for the kids
~ Make sure that I set time aside that is ONLY for my husband
~ Make sure that I set time aside that is ONLY for us as a family

The above is simple, little things that will help with my Personal Growth. There’s a reason for each item I listed. They’re not resolutions… they’re a blueprint for me to reflect throughout the year how I can continue on my personal growth.

I hope that I can inspire my readers to embark on focusing a little more on themselves. We all have room to grow, and through focusing on personal development we can do just that. On Mondays I will be focusing my Motivating Monday on sharing things that will inspire you in regards to personal development.

Happy New Years to my readers, I appreciate every visit you make to my blog…. whether you comment or not. I hope that in some way this past year I have inspired you in some way. I hope that the positivity I try to convey here has brightened your days. I hope to see you back throughout this next year and I hope that 2011 is everything you wish for.

Christmas ~ one of my most favorite holidays EVER. I love the magic that is lit up inside of my children, I love teaching them about Jesus and everything that he has done and will do for us. I love being together as a family and being thankful for the blessings in our life.

Christmas is my most favorite time of year.  Especially when I can get pictures like this…..

We had our typical Christmas, wake up and run downstairs to see what Santa has brought, and then head up to my grandparent’s for a delicious meal and time with my dad’s side of the family.

Just a week before Christmas my grandmother {father’s mother} had a mastectomy done sortof on the down low. They really wanted to keep it hush hush and somebody leaked it on Facebook and I found out. She was her normal self at Christmas and is doing amazingly well for the major surgery she just went through.

I live about a mile away from my grandparents and don’t go up to see them as much as I should. I love my grandparents and I HAVE to go up at LEAST once a month to visit with them. Especially since they are getting old.

Here’s Aliyah with her Great-grandparents

And then we attempted to take a family picture since we don’t have one so I had my cousin try with my camera.  I still need to get some done so I can get them printed {faces will be blurry on a print} but here’s our family on Christmas up at my grandparent’s property.

Born November 29, 2010 at 12:56pm.  This little bundle of pure and absolute joy weighed 7lbs 5oz & was 19 inches long.  Birth story to come ~ just had to introduce the newest little Garibay

Aliyah Lee Garibay

I woke this morning to one of the most beautiful faces I’ve ever seen.  Her first words to me were, “No work today?”  and I smiled with this warm, fuzzy feeling in my heart and replied, “No, no more work for me, Ella.” and what came out of her mouth next floored me….

“You’ve got to be kidding me!”

I am so blessed to have a daughter that makes me laugh all throughout the day…. starting with first thing in the morning.

Today was amazing.  I had time to do things around the house, do my homework, spend time with my children, make a home cooked meal without stressing about only having so many hours to fit that in with homework and my kids and bed time routine and the other million things I have to accomplish in a day’s work.

And because I know you’re just DYING to know how adorable my children were for Halloween I come with pictures!

Ella was BFF hearts w/her friend Ruthie.  We decided to spice it up a tad and make them into an angel & a devil BFF hearts.  They were pretty much ADORABLE.

Jayden was Darth Vader.  I think he was more excited about the light up light saber that he got with his costume.

The kids had a BLAST!  Ella loved running up to each house and would actually walk into their houses when they opened the door…. she’s not shy!

And because a pregnancy update is totally needed ~ 4 weeks from today for induction and I’m feeling SO pregnant! Baby gets hiccups about 5 times a day, and she’s still moving and shaking like crazy in there. Today I’m 35 weeks 1 day.

This is an essay I just wrote tonight for my writing class.  It’s a description essay, and I chose to write it on my feelings of moving from Sacramento to Southern Oregon.  I’d love to hear any feedback you have as it’s just my first draft.  I also have to say that I’m having issues for some reason with editing my font on my blog when I’m on my home computer.  I have no idea why I can’t change it and make it larger.  So hopefully this small font doesn’t hurt your eyes 🙂

A Trip to Happiness

I threw the hung clothes into the back of my trunk and closed it, as I was closing another chapter in the book of my life.  The pollen was just starting to bloom on the beautiful, city trees that engulfed my neighborhood.  I felt my heart tugging towards that pollen that I once hated so much.  I was just adding that to the growing list of regulars in my life that I would soon be missing.

I took a deep breath, got behind the wheel and closed the door.  It was final; I was leaving my life as I knew it and taking one of the biggest steps yet.  I looked in the rearview mirror to see a perfect, happy, little boy smiling and ready for the trip.  I wondered if he knew how different life would be; how he wouldn’t be going to Grandma’s anymore.  I wondered if he was taking in the last moments as we drove through the big city as I was.  The things we once loved and cherished were falling behind as we drove, and in my heart it was like they were falling out of my life forever.

The first couple of hours were a blur to me.  Our family made a decision that we knew was best for us, and I tried to focus on that as we drove through a long, boring stretch of nothing.  I was lost within the thoughts of my homesick heart and trying to find the positive in the decision I was once so sure of.  When I felt the tears gather in my eyes, I’d look behind and see my beautiful son smiling and I would find my peace in that smile.  This warmth would flow into my soul ensuring me that we were giving this little boy the best life we possibly could by leaving the city, the drama, and sadly our families behind.

It was time to plant our roots, to watch our family tree grow and flourish, and to learn how to rely only on each other.  I slowly started to see change in my surroundings as I drove out of my blur.  I left behind the city and drove into a straightaway of nothingness, but as I continued on this journey and the more I pressed forward the more of a beautiful sight was before me.  I started to see mountains, and trees of beautiful colors.  I started to see beauty, and something about it started to make sense to me in a way that I didn’t think I’d be able to grasp so soon.

Leaving everything behind was not a sad thing, but a joyous thing.  The city was like a run down, harsh place that only signified our trials, our mistakes, and our unhappiness.  The mountains, the green, the breathtaking beauty offered me hope and excitement.  Just as the scenery was changing along my journey so was my heart.  As much as I loved so much the people and life I was leaving behind, I was traveling into a place where I would learn the true meaning of happiness; the true meaning of family.  I was about to add to this world another beautiful, green tree – my own family tree.

I have a lot on my plate right now.  I have 2 weeks left of this job I’m doing, and going to school full time AND trying to get ready to bring Jayden home from public school.

I’m a tad overwhelmed and probably will be for the next couple of weeks.  I may or may not be posting on here until around 11/1/10.  BUT don’t be shocked if I do 🙂

In other news…. I don’t think I’ve announced this yet on my blog, but we have scheduled the induction of baby girl for November 29th if she isn’t here by then….

People…. this is 6 weeks from today!

I have a million things to do to get ready for her arrival. 

Plus I have school…and for the next 2 weeks work.

I’m borderline going crazy here.

So, if you don’t see me on here, I’m okay… just have my head in the books.  Not only do I have deadlines in school that I’m struggling with right now, but I’m going to try to have the entire term completed before baby girl gets here ~ it’ll be a challenge, but I know I can do it!

P.S…. Motivating Monday will be back on 11/1/10 ~ but for today I’d like you to think really hard about this….

“You are what YOU think you are.”

So start thinking highly of yourself, and watch your train of thoughts!

Sunday I posted on my blog my frustrations with the social relms of public school and poured my heart out about how I was considering homeschooling.

I received amazing feedback from some amazing mamas that I can’t wait to learn more from.

Our hearts are set, the paperwork for Connections Academy is filled out….

We are choosing to homeschool Jayden.

This is a whole new adventure that I’m scared to the very bone about, but I know that God wouldn’t put it so strongly in both my heart and Gino’s heart if it wasn’t the best thing we could be doing for our son.

I never thought I’d be here, even a week ago homeschool really never even entered my mind.  At first the idea almost made me feel a little depressed.  It’s a huge change, and change and I don’t mix well together.  Change and Jayden mixes even worse.  The more I’ve contemplated this decision, and the more advice I’ve received from others who have been in my shoes exactly, the more I feel this amazing peace over my heart in regards to this.

The mama bear inside of me just can’t sit by while my son is mistreated.  The mama bear in me can’t settle for anything less than Jayden deserves.  I’m telling you, I never ONCE considered homeschool.  In my mind you just send your kids off to school and hope they turn out okay.  But I don’t want to hope anymore, I want to ensure.  I want to build my children’s character the way I want to, not the way society does.  I want my children’s examples to be from Gino and I, not other children at school who have horrible examples at home.

I want to set my son up for success in life.

I want to see his glowing smile as he learns something new.

I want him to learn more than just math facts and basics, I want him to learn from the world that’s in our hands.

As scared as I am inside, we’re doing this.  We’re diving head first and we’re going to open a whole new chapter in our lives.  A chapter than I know will one of the best chapters in our life, because Jayden and I will be learning and growing together.

Prior posts that lead up to this:

{My Out of Sync Child}

{He Knows He’s Different}

{The moment I pray for God to have some answers for me}