2 years ago today I walked into my house and smelt so good. My husband was making me tacos, because that’s what my baby girl loved. I was wearing this cute green maternity tank top, and I had just driven in traffic with blurry eyes. Blurry from crying them out.

It’s amazing how you remember such little things. I remember the nurse handing me a Kleenex box to take home and let me sit in the room until the waiting room had cleared out. My appointment was at 4:30pm, which was at the end of the day.

I had such high hopes for this precious soul inside of me. She was a blessing and I was so excited to have her join my family. That day, 2 years ago, my heart was crushed with the worst, devastating news I could have ever imagined. Mya was dead.

Tonight I’m sad. I’m sad that I didn’t get her balloons, because I feel like Gino needs to be a part of it, and he works. He works all weekend long. I still should have done something with the kids to remember their sister.

This is a day I dread every year, and I probably will dread it all the years to come. I just wish that I could have both Mya & Ella, and I know that’s not possible, but I still wish. I have come to terms with Mya’s death, and I have begun to understand that without her leaving me, I’d never get to see one of the most beautiful smiles I’ve ever seen. I’d never get kisses from the most beautiful girl I’d ever layed eyes on. I’d never know or love Ella. I couldn’t imagine my life without her.

Today, Mya, I want you to know that I love you with all of my heart soul. I will always love you and I hope that in heaven they have angel days, because you deserve it. Okay, now I’m so sad that I’m going to the store and buying you balloons. I’ll have them just in time to send them off when your daddy gets home. If they do have angel days you have to have something from your family, that loves you and thinks of you all the time.

Happy Angel Day, my angel.

Love, Mama