I live in a very dysfunction family. I really do. I love my family to death, but sometimes I really wonder what’s running through all their minds.

Have you ever watched the show Brother’s & Sister’s? It’s one of my favorite shows, and sometimes I can completely relate to them. I even have the gay sibling. I have a brother who doens’t want to grow up and face the babies that he makes in this world, and I just want to shake him. My sister is Mexican, but she’s white. I know that doesn’t make a lot of sense, but I guess she turned Mexican when my Mexican husband turned white. And I love it – I love her and I’m proud of her and the accomplishments she’s making in her life. I have a 10 year old sister that I don’t acknowledge too often. I need to try harder there, but it’s just weird. Her mom is 2 years older than me. I have a 16 year old cheer leader sister who is like OMG so cOoL! She is probably the only one out of the 3 of my dads that I have connected with and have somewhat of a bond with. She’s a sweet girl and I love her mom.

I have a total of 5 siblings. I’m very active in 2 of those siblings lives, and the other 3 scare the sh*t out of me. I don’t know why, but I almost feel like I have to shut my heart off to the other 3, because I don’t want to take any of my love from the first 2.

My gay sister and I have had issues. I don’t agree with the way she’s living her life and frankly don’t want her lifestyle around my kids. But that’s not fair. She is my sister. She wants a relationship with her only older sister. Other than me she has 4 younger siblings.

How do you just start relationships with these strangers who yearn for your love and acceptance? It’s harder than you’d think. I’ve had to mend things with my father in order to even start thinking about his girls. I have honestly seen an answered prayer happen right before my eyes. I went to my Bishop and talked with him about my father and how I judge him and I got amazing advice from him. I was scared about making the first step in calling and trying to start up a relationship with him again, but I didn’t have to make that first step. Literally 3 hours after my talk with the Bishop my dad called ME! He called just to call and to say that he loves me. In my eyes, that was Heavnly Father showing me that it’s okay to have a non-expecting relationship with my father here on earth.

I now am gaining another type of sister here in Oregon. There’s a girl here that has the same name as my gay sister, so this might get a bit confusing, but she’s carrying my niece or nephew. Unfortunately, my brother and her do not get along at all, and this sucks. I think a few posts ago I was talking about him and my niece’s mom, and here he has yet another baby on the way. I’ve told this girl that I will be there and even go to the doctor’s appointments if she’d like, but I wish Mitch would snap out of this and step up and be a man. Gino’s had some pretty intense talks with him, and hopefully one of them has stuck with him.

I don’t know why God sends babies to sticky situations when there’s so many wonderful, married couples out there that can’t have babies. Or wonderful families, like ours that has lost babies. It’s not fair, but we have to put faith in our Heavenly Father that there is a good reason for it all.