I LOVE inspiring things to motivate me and I thought what better of a day to read inspiration than on dreadful Mondays. If you would like to write something you think will inspire or motivate others PLEASE grab the button and link up!! I’d love to read your words and I’m sure that others would as well!
This week I’m stealing from myself. This post has a portion of an old post that was originally posted for Just a Motivating Monday back on November 16, 2009. I stole the main jist of it and am going to add a different, updated final thought at the end. With that said……..
Everybody has been hurt by someone they love. Or maybe you hurt someone you love. The point is… we have to be able to forgive in our heart.
President Hinckley of the LDS Church once said in an article:
“Somehow forgiveness, with love and tolerance, accomplishes miracles that can happen in no other way.”
I know it is so hard at times to forgive people, but are you perfect? Have you gone through your whole life not doing a thing wrong to someone? Have you been forgiven? Forgiving somebody, especially yourself can be one of the hardest things in this world to do. But if you are virtuous and want to be forgiven, you yourself MUST do this.
Tips to Forgive~
- Pray to Heavenly Father and ask Him for His help. He can soften your heart and help you to forgive.
- Get rid of the bitterness. If you’re still plotting out ways to get even the forgiving process is no where near.
- Once you have forgiven, let it go. Don’t hold on to it, because that’s holding a grudge… which does not mean you have forgiven.
- Don’t focus so much on the negative things that have happened to you. If you are focusing on the positive things in your life, and the positive things people have done for you, you will be able to forgive the negative things easier. There’s no point in holding on to negativity when there’s so much positivity to welcome into your heart.
- You need to remember that when you are forgiving, it’s for you. It’s not for the person that did you wrong, but it is for you and your exaltation. It’s a process you must go through, and you will be forgiving others for you.
A very good friend of mine… you can find her on twitter @jenhoehne contributed to this post by saying:
“I think that forgiveness is one of those words like “love” that people use loosley. To truly forgive someone means you have let go of any ill will and no longer harbor feelings of anger or angst toward another person.
Forgiving ourselves goes hand in hand with forgiving others. We are often times harder on ourselves than the person or people we have wronged. Forgiving others means letting go of hurt they have caused you and forgiving yourself is learning to love yourself after you have caused another person pain. Both are crutial in the eternal realm of this life and critical to our salvation and prosperity hereafter.”
My Final Thoughts ~
I have people, very close people, do me wrong. They’ve said things to me that stabbed me in the heart and at one point I thought I’d never want them back in my life again. Reading my final thoughts from this post back in 2009 made me smile at who I’ve become and grown into. I have a lot of forgiveness in my heart, because I know that I’m not perfect. I know that horrible things can be said and done ~ but today can also be the first day of the rest of your life. Today can be a fresh start with a clear heart. None of us are perfect. You are not perfect. I am not perfect. We can grow from our mistakes, and we can start fresh today.
That is the beauty of forgiveness.
I’m traveling down a road of forgiveness and it feels so good. I’m even letting go of hurt feelings that I’ve clung onto for many years towards my dad. I’m forgiving and growing my relationship with him with a fresh slate. It feels amazingly wonderful.
I hope that this post in some way will inspire you to start on the road of forgiveness ~ most importantly for yourself.
Strange how simple those steps appear but how complicated we can make them. Thanks for sharing.
Jen
We absolutely do make them complicated. As simple as the steps are, we as humans make them complicated.
Forgiveness truly does set us free!!
Leslie recently posted..Its BACK this March!!
It does set us free! Letting go of the hurt and especially the anger is an amazing feeling.
Very well written Amanda. Forgiveness for me is something that I struggle with. I have a problem with understanding when I have forgiven someone. Does that mean I don’t think about what they did to me and/or it doesn’t hurt anymore? Does that mean I accept that person back into my life? I just don’t get it! It’s something I have struggled with for a long time.
Danielle Decker recently posted..Bloggerview – 1st Reviewee Chosen!
Danielle, these are great questions! I personally forgive and then forget. For some reason it’s rare for me to continue to dwell on what was said/done once I forgive. I think the reason for this is because I know that if I was forgiven by someone I would hope they weren’t still dwelling on it. And we all make mistakes. I have forgiven people in my heart but have also chosen to not allow those people back in my life. The only reason I choose something like this is if I feel like they are destructive people who will only continue to hurt me. Sadly, I do have some family members like this.
I’ve struggled with this for a long time as well. But I finally just decided if I’m forgiving you we’re just not going to go in the past…. it’s from this moment on.
If you’re reading this in your email, head back over to the post because another reader did a pretty lengthy response to you in the comments as well 🙂
Forgiveness is for you. Yes. It is for me. Yes. Forgiveness means letting go, but just how do we do that?
Remember that forgiveness is a God thing. It is not something we actually do. We actually open ourselves to what is. We were already forgiven. That means that I am forgiven and you are forgiven. So, let go! Release.
Put love on the situation and feel love. How do do that? Just do it! Say, I love you to that hurt feeling. Say I love you to that person that hurt you. Allow the feelings of love to fill you up (this may take a bit of imagination).
This will heal your heart. And in some funny way. It will heal the hearts of all involved. That’s the power of love baby!
Anasha K Shakti recently posted..The Master of Masters
It absolutely is about love!! Great response… thank you!!
@Danielle Decker —
Q: Does that mean I don’t think about what they did to me and/or it doesn’t hurt anymore?
A: When all is forgiven, you will remember (when you first learn to forgive), but there will be no sting. You will say to yourself and to God that you love that person and you love yourself. I am free to make mistakes and be forgiven and so is everyone else.
Once you become proficient in forgiveness. Then you won’t even remember what they did.
As I forgive immediately these days. I don’t think much of what people do or say. I never take it to heart from the beginning. Even if what they do or say is foul. I know that I am going to forgive them two seconds later, so why bother the trouble of getting angry or upset now? This is how you forgive and forget, but for now, just forgive.
Q: Does that mean I accept that person back into my life?
Even in all forgiveness. You still must be loving. If someone is constantly abusing you. You choose whether you want to be abused. To be totally loving, everyone involved (including you) should be loved. You must ask yourself am I loving me by being abused by him/her. Then you take action.
Your work is not to change that person, but to release them. Pray for yourself. Then pray for them. Again, go back to God and thank him for his Divine forgiveness and know that God has forgiven the one who abused. You can release them there.
Here are some amazing quotes:
Sara Paddison, Hidden Power of the Heart
Sincere forgiveness isn’t colored with expectations that the other person apologize or change. Don’t worry whether or not they finally understand you. Love them and release them. Life feeds back truth to people in its own way and time—just like it does for you and me.
Doc Childre and Howard Martin, The HeartMath Solution
In the long run, it’s not a question of whether they deserve to be forgiven. You’re not forgiving them for their sake. You’re doing it for yourself. For your own health and well-being, forgiveness is simply the most energy-efficient option. It frees you from the incredibly toxic, debilitating drain of holding a grudge. Don’t let these people live rent free in your head. If they hurt you before, why let them keep doing it year after year in your mind? It’s not worth it but it takes heart effort to stop it. You can muster that heart power to forgive them as a way of looking out for yourself. It’s one thing you can be totally selfish about.
Doc Childre and Howard Martin, The HeartMath Solution
Forgiving releases you from the punishment of a self-made prison where you are both the inmate and the jailer.
Unknown
To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover the prisoner was YOU.
Anasha K Shakti recently posted..The Master of Masters
Anasha, I LOVED reading everything here. Your input on forgiveness has been amazing and I’ve soaked up every word. Thank you so much!!
I especially love how you forgive immediately, because you know that you will be forgiving them eventually. I never thought of this concept and will definitely be have this in the back of my head next time I’m in a situation.
Loved it all 🙂
You want to talk about inspirational! This was inspirational! It almost made me want to forgive my ex-husband…not there yet, but when I read words such as yours, it does make me realize how much lighter I would be without the constant negative thoughts.
You are truly terrific!
Sandra recently posted..My practice
Trust me, Sandra, there are MANY people I struggled with forgiving… but having that lighter feeling is what I did it for. There are people that I have forgiven, yet I just don’t allow in my life… if that makes sense.
Forgiveness is my life. Thank you dear. You are simply amazing!
Anasha K Shakti recently posted..The Master of Masters
If forgiveness is your life, then you must live a very rewarding one 🙂 Such a hard thing to master, but once you do the fruit is SWEET!
Anasha, thank you very much for your comments and answers. Your explanations and quotes were extremely helpful!
Thank you also Amanda, you were helpful also and I appreciate you answering my questions.
Danielle Decker recently posted..New Online Store Discovered By Me!
@Amanda It gets more and more rewarding by the day!
@Danielle You’re so welcomed.
Anasha K Shakti recently posted..The Master of Masters
I found this website, and I hope I will be able to find some advice on how to let go of my angry feelings. I have been struggling with this feeling of confusion and anger every time I talk or thinkg about my sister:
I have a sister who is 13 years younger than me. We come from a very strict Asian culture. Prior to age 18, and during her high school years, my sister did not respect or obey our parents; she was never home, and stole money from the family, so my dad told my sister if she doesn’t shape up, then move out. So after she turned 18, she continued her bad ways and so my dad got fed up and told her to leave, so she left our home. 12 long silent years later she called to say she just had a baby and pretended like nothing had happened. I guess she married the guy (who we “heard” was an illegal alien) she met in high school; my parents and I only heard that other people were saying about this boy and his family.
She tried to make amends with my parents but not to me. Our mother died of breast cancer 3 years after my sister resurfaced. Before my mom died, she said my sister never apologized to her for all the pain and hurt she caused our family. I have always told my sister she could come and talk to me, but she never made the effort of contacting me; she said I was unapproachable. My sister told us that she was the victim for being kicked out of the house by my father. She made it sound like it was all our fault and not hers. My father is now 91 years old and we are still waiting for my sister to have a meeting with all of us so that we can clear the air. My sister says I would not listen to her or I have already made up my mind. How can she say that when I don’t know her side of the story? I am trying to forgive her for all of her immature and thoughtless actions towards us and how much hurt she caused me, but I would still like an explanation from her as to why she did what she did. However, I told my sister that I cannot forget (let go) what pain and suffering she caused my mom when my mom was going thru her cancer. I know this was my mom’s problem with my sister, but I felt my mom’s pain too and how deep she was hurt. My sister says she admits she has made mistakes in her life, but she also said she has no regrets whatsoever either.
Am I being unreasonable to ask for a simple explanation from my sister? She is the one that holds the key of unlocking all the misunderstandings I have about her, but she refuses to talk to me. My husband has even offered to be a go-between, but she refused to contact him too. I have maintained and will keep an open door policy for her, if and when she decides she wants to talk to me. In order to fully forgive my sister, a truthful and honest explanation would help me to understand her. If she does not want to ever see me or be truthful, then I will let it go and I will also not allow her back into my life, as she will always remind me of the hurt she caused me in the past. I have already cleared my conscious and guilty towards my sister. She knows where I stand.
It saddens me knowing that my sister refuses to talk about the past so that we can clear the air and then we can move on; however, I cannot force a person if they don’t want to meet half-way either. I wanted a fresh start too, but it’s only one-way.
Thank you for your advice.
Jenny
Jenny,
I have major sibling issues in my family as well. In a way though, I can’t personally hold anything against them, because we had an extremely dysfunctional childhood lol.
In your situation, I understand your hurt and your anger and your need for an explanation. Have you ever thought about possibly just forgiving her with all of your heart with no strings attached, no need for the explanation that you want, but just forgive her? I will be the first to say it is the HARDEST thing ever to do, and I’ve had to do it when a few of my family members as well.
But it’s worth it.
In time after you let bygones be bygones you might get that explanation. But holding that grudge and that anger inside is only hurting you. You might never be able to understand why she did what she did. Maybe she’s grown up since then and is a different person. BUT the only way you’ll discover this is if you forgive her, contact her and tell her that you just want to start out fresh without the past tainting what relationship you could have with her now.
I’m currently not speaking with my sister as well. Well, she’s not speaking with me. It’s hard on me and I miss her and I just want her to forgive me as I’ve forgiven her. We both said horrible, hateful things to each other. I have learned through my faith how to forgive and forget. I can actually ignore the fact that my father was a horrible dad to me and pick up NOW and build a relationship NOW despite the fact that he wasn’t there my whole life. My sister can’t do this yet, and I wish she could. I personally think that us holding on to grudges and things that are in the past don’t do any good especially to ourselves.
If you just let it all go, and vow to move on from this moment on I bet you will feel so good. I hope that this helps in some way. I know that it’s hard to forgive, but it truly is so necessary for our own well being. You don’t have to forgive her for her, you have to forgive her for you.
Amanda, do you have an email I can send to you instead?